A longtime reader of the Dear Abby advice column described leaving a 25-year marriage after repeated episodes of her husband flirting with other women — and the columnist said the behavior often reflects insecurity rather than the partner’s failings.
The reader, who signed her letter "Found My Self-Esteem," told Dear Abby she had repeatedly told her husband that his flirting hurt her and made her feel inadequate. He repeatedly dismissed her concerns as being "too sensitive" and told her to get over it. She wrote that she eventually "got over it" by leaving: after filing for divorce and walking away from the relationship, she said her grown daughter told her the ex-husband "cried like a baby" when he realized she was gone. The reader said she has since remarried and is now in a relationship in which she feels loved and valued.
Abigail Van Buren, the pen name of Jeanne Phillips who continues the column founded by Pauline Phillips, replied that some people need constant reassurance about their attractiveness and therefore flirt, calling the behavior a manifestation of insecurity. "Their insecurity is a bottomless pit," she wrote, adding that the pattern is destructive when it affects partners and spouses. Van Buren said she was glad the reader recognized the problem was not hers and found the strength to leave.
The column also addressed other readers' concerns in the same edition. A self-identified baby boomer and amateur genealogist wrote that she is frustrated by what she sees as a lack of interest among her grandchildren in family history. She said that, unlike her own experience being captivated by grandparents' stories about life at the turn of the 20th century, her grandchildren appear focused on their own lives and show little curiosity about ancestors.
Van Buren advised that the grandchildren may come around later in life and urged the reader to preserve her memories now by writing them down in diaries and journals that could be read by family members in the future. She suggested that if immediate family members are not interested, local or state historical societies might welcome the material and accompanying photographs.
In a third letter printed in the column, a reader signed "Uncalled For in Colorado" complained about friends who call only on speakerphone while driving, shopping or running errands, saying the calls make the reader feel like an afterthought. Van Buren's response was direct: ask those friends to call when they are home and not distracted.
Dear Abby remains a widely syndicated advice column. Readers who wish to contact the column are directed to the DearAbby.com website or the Los Angeles P.O. box listed in the print edition. The exchange underscores recurring themes in the column: interpersonal boundaries, the impact of personal insecurity on relationships, and straightforward guidance for everyday social frustrations.