Australian advice columnist Jana Hocking weighs how technology has upended dating and privacy. In her latest Dear Jana column, a reader describes a one-night stand with a charming stranger who wore his glasses throughout the encounter and now worries he could have been filmed without consent. The case underscores a broader anxiety about covert recording in intimate moments as consumer tech evolves.
The reader recalls a heat-of-the-moment connection where the partner kept his glasses on, followed by a concern that Meta's Ray-Ban glasses, which can record video, might have captured something without obvious notice. Hocking notes that, while the devices are designed to flash a recording indicator, privacy experts have warned that covert filming can still be difficult to detect. She advises on practical steps: preserve any available details—names, phone numbers, messages, the address where the hookup occurred, dates and times, and even memorable notes like the color of a car. If something feels off, she suggests reporting suspicions to the police and monitoring social platforms for non-consensual intimate images, which platforms often remove quickly. The columnist also cautions not to jump to conclusions about recording— glasses could merely be prescription lenses—yet adds that the worry is understandable. For peace of mind, she recommends setting boundaries, such as eliminating phones or gadgets in the bedroom, leaning on trusted friends, and seeking support from sexual assault services if needed. In Australia, she notes, privacy laws vary by state, but secretly recording someone in a sexual context is generally not permissible, and the emphasis is on documenting concerns and pursuing lawful avenues if warranted.
A separate reader shares a different modern-era concern: after a bitter divorce, she suspects a private investigator has been tailing her, possibly to gather leverage for the settlement. Hocking confirms that surveillance during divorce is not unusual and outlines a methodical response. Start by breathing and treating the situation as a potential risk to be managed rather than a personal indictment. Build a clear log: note every sighting of the same car or person, including dates, times, descriptions, and any registration numbers, plus any CCTV footage. If feasible, obtain discreet photographic evidence and document the presence of CCTV as part of a broader record. Do not confront the investigator; rely on the paper trail to inform actions.
Legal channels are also advised. A family lawyer can issue a letter demanding the surveillance stop or seek urgent court directions to protect the client. If there is a concern that the spying is intended to influence the divorce outcome or alimony calculus, the lawyer can request investigations into who is behind the monitoring and work to keep that information from being used in proceedings. The police can be involved if the stalking feels threatening or if private moments are photographed; even if a quick investigation does not occur, a formal log provides a useful reference. Emotionally, the guidance is to acknowledge anger and fear but respond with strategic, lawful steps. If the situation becomes overwhelming, professionals can help restore a sense of control.
A third letter from a 39-year-old single reader asks why some people never seem to grow up and settle down. The response reframes the common ‘Peter Pan’ concern not as a matter of age but of attachment style. Jana Hocking characterizes this pattern as an anxious-avoidant stance toward commitment, where the thrill of nightlife and casual flings masks a reluctance to commit. The advice is not to pathologize the urge to avoid commitment, but to view it as a signal to practice building longer-term connections. Her recommendation is to treat commitment like a project: you don’t have to marry the first person you date, but showing up for someone else even when it’s inconvenient can be the healthier path. The piece concludes with a reminder that growth can come from stepping outside one’s comfort zone and that time can reveal whether a person is ready to move beyond perpetual casual dating.
Taken together, the letters reflect how the intersection of privacy, technology and relationships shapes modern culture. Hocking’s guidance emphasizes practical steps, legal awareness, and a measured approach to emotions in the digital age. She reiterates that casual hookups may carry new risks in a world where spy-tech and surveillance exist, but also that the law and supportive resources are available to help people respond calmly and lawfully when their privacy feels compromised.