A growing number of young women are grappling with compulsive online pornography use, a trend that can lead to exhaustion, shame, and difficulties with intimacy, according to recent accounts and expert analysis. Arleny Abreu Quintero, 19, from New York, shared her personal struggle, which began at age 13 after stumbling upon explicit material. What started as curiosity evolved into an obsession that significantly impacted her life, affecting her concentration at school and leading to disturbing sexual thoughts.
Quintero described her mindset as becoming "unusually sexual," leading to unwanted thoughts about people in her life. "I felt so much shame about it," she stated. The COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated her situation. During lockdown in spring 2020, with limited social interaction and ample free time, her pornography consumption increased dramatically. "It was a way for me to feel some type of connection when I felt isolated," she recalled.
By September 2020, when her school reopened, Quintero realized the extent of her problem. She experienced constant exhaustion and struggled to focus in classes due to intrusive sexual thoughts. Despite feeling guilt and disgust, she was too ashamed to confide in anyone. At 16, she resolved to stop. However, the onset of her first relationship presented new challenges. Years of consuming pornography had desensitized her to real-life intimacy, making it difficult to enjoy genuine sexual connection.
Experts explain that compulsive pornography use can profoundly affect well-being and relationships. The term often used by doctors is compulsive sexual behavior disorder (CSBD), which involves sexual urges or behaviors that become difficult to control and interfere with daily life. This can include compulsive masturbation or other sexual behaviors alongside pornography consumption.
Warning signs for CSBD include spending increasing amounts of time consuming sexual material, repeatedly trying and failing to reduce usage, and continuing the behavior despite negative impacts on relationships, school, work, or health. Sufferers may find sexual activity less satisfying, and attempts to cut back can lead to restlessness, tension, or irritability. Chronic sleep deprivation from late-night viewing can also result in exhaustion and concentration difficulties. Compulsive sexual behavior is also associated with higher rates of anxiety and depression, though researchers caution that establishing a direct cause-and-effect relationship is complex. Individuals experiencing depression, loneliness, or anxiety might be more inclined to use pornography as an escape.
Quintero eventually managed to reduce her pornography use, which subsequently made intimacy less stressful and more enjoyable. She is now in a relationship where she feels a "much deeper connection." Her experience highlights a generational shift, with online pornography becoming more commonplace among young women. Research tracking nearly 1,800 teenagers found a slight increase in problematic pornography use among girls during the pandemic lockdowns. While men still consume pornography at significantly higher rates, its use among women is not uncommon. A pre-pandemic US study indicated that approximately one in five women watched pornography at least once a month.
Experts emphasize that for the vast majority, viewing pornography does not constitute a disorder. The key indicator is an inability to control the behavior and its interference with significant areas of life. The Mayo Clinic advises seeking medical help if sexual urges or behaviors feel out of control, particularly if attempts to cut back have failed or are causing harm. Treatment typically involves talk therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to help individuals identify triggers and develop coping strategies. Practical measures like installing website-blocking software and addressing underlying issues like boredom, stress, loneliness, anxiety, and depression are also recommended. In some cases, medication may be prescribed alongside therapy, though no specific drug is approved for compulsive pornography use. Professionals advise seeking help if attempts to stop have failed, consumption is increasing in frequency or extremity, or it is disrupting daily life, sleep, or relationships.