Canceling plans has become a common, almost meme-ified, aspect of modern social life. Whether driven by overscheduling, introversion, or social anxiety, the act of backing out requires more tact than a last-minute text. Experts suggest a thoughtful approach, considering several factors before deciding to skip an engagement.
Evaluating the Relationship and Event
When considering canceling, it's crucial to assess the importance of the person and the event. Julian Givi, an associate professor of marketing at West Virginia University, advises evaluating the value placed on a friendship and whether the other person has a history of canceling. Close friends, according to a study by William Chopik, an associate professor at Washington University in St. Louis, elicit the strongest negative reactions when they cancel. However, this same closeness often leads to greater forgiveness, as friends may understand constraints on time and expect to see each other again soon.
Conversely, less formal relationships might offer more latitude for canceling. Participants in Chopik's study reported being less upset by an acquaintance's cancellation. The formality of the occasion also plays a role. While a casual coffee hang might be acceptable to skip, events like weddings, funerals, or retirement parties carry more significance. Chopik notes that people are more likely to cancel informal events, but it's important to consider if an event is important to the host, even if not monumental to the attendee.
Group events also present unique considerations. Backing out of a large gathering might seem less impactful, but if enough people cancel, it can alter the nature of the event, potentially diminishing its appeal for those who remain. Your absence can signal that the event isn't as engaging as anticipated.
Assessing Personal Costs and Benefits
The logistical, financial, and energetic costs of attending an event are significant factors in the decision to cancel. A long commute for a brief, casual meeting when already exhausted might not seem worthwhile. However, research suggests people often overestimate these costs and underestimate the potential enjoyment of an event, leading to unnecessary cancellations.
Financial commitment can strongly influence adherence to plans. When money has been paid upfront, individuals are more likely to follow through. To mitigate this, Givi suggests requiring advance payments for events involving costs, such as concerts.
Valid Excuses and Communication
Chopik's research identified illness, family emergencies, childcare issues, and work obligations as the most reasonable excuses for canceling. Conversely, stating a better offer came up, a lack of interest, or outright lying were deemed the least acceptable justifications.
While financial constraints can be a reason for not attending, the framing of the excuse matters. Communicating a desire to go but an inability to afford it may be better received than a blunt statement about cost being prohibitive. The underlying message conveyed by an excuse is critical. Informing a friend that another, more appealing option has arisen can imply they are less valued. Providing a clear reason for cancellation and offering to reschedule signals that the relationship is important.
Understanding Consequences and Maintaining Relationships
Canceling plans can have repercussions, ranging from minor inconveniences to significant fallout. While skipping a regular group gathering may go unnoticed, a last-minute cancellation for an important event, especially one that puts the other party in a difficult position (e.g., needing to cover a ticket or find alternative transportation), can lead to negative sentiment.
Research indicates that individuals often overestimate the negative reactions of those they cancel on and underestimate the impact of their absence. Understanding that others may be more understanding than anticipated can reduce social stress. However, this does not negate the importance of fulfilling commitments. Consistently canceling can lead to fewer invitations and strained relationships, as it may signal a lack of value for the connection. Upholding commitments, even for seemingly minor events, is essential for fostering and maintaining friendships.