A woman has sought advice on how to handle her roommate's boyfriend's persistent habit of appearing naked or partially clothed in their shared home, especially after nights of drinking.
In a letter to agony aunt Jane Green, the reader, who identified herself as "Party Foul," described her initial skepticism about her roommate's new boyfriend. Although she was told he had curbed his party-animal ways, his weekend behavior has become a cause for concern.
The reader states that while the boyfriend appears normal on weekdays, his late-night conduct after drinking becomes unruly. She has walked into common areas like the kitchen, living room, and even the bathroom to find him intoxicated and unclothed on multiple occasions.
Initially dismissing the incidents as drunken mishaps, the reader has become increasingly uncomfortable. Her attempts to politely ask him to keep his clothes on have been ignored. She now feels compelled to inform her friend, her roommate, about the situation, but fears it could jeopardize their friendship or her roommate's happiness.
Jane Green advised "Party Foul" that when a friend's partner is not to one's liking, it can strain or end friendships. She acknowledged the reader's efforts to set boundaries and suggested that the boyfriend's repeated nudity might indicate an alcohol problem.
Green recommended addressing the issue directly with the roommate, explaining that finding him repeatedly naked is uncomfortable and that her requests have been ignored. She cautioned that the outcome of this conversation, whether it leads to the boyfriend heeding the advice, the reader moving out, or other solutions, cannot be controlled by the reader alone. The aunt also noted that it is difficult when close friends choose partners one would not have selected.
In a separate query, another reader, "Money Talks," asked for advice regarding financial contributions in a relationship. After his girlfriend received a significant promotion and pay raise, making her earning more than him, he wondered if their equitable splitting of bills should be adjusted.
He had made a casual comment and joke about her new salary, hoping she would offer to alter their financial contributions, but she laughed it off. He expressed discomfort discussing finances and a reluctance to spoil her celebratory mood.
Green advised that after the initial attempt, a more direct conversation is necessary. She suggested a calm setting, such as over dinner, to express pride in her promotion and then clearly state the desire to re-evaluate bill equity. She explained that their current system was based on their previous salary differences and that an adjustment is natural now that the balance has shifted. Green added that how they navigate this conversation can be a significant indicator of their ability to manage difficult discussions in the future, particularly if they were to marry.