A reader has shared her struggles with a difficult living situation involving her mother-in-law, who moved in after experiencing mini-strokes and falls. The situation has become a "nightmare" for the reader and her husband, whose multiple sclerosis (MS) has worsened due to the added stress.
The mother-in-law, described as manipulative and two-faced, allegedly tells others that the reader is a "bitch" and her husband is "cold and unfeeling." Despite numerous arguments, apologies, and a recurrence of the behavior, the family feels trapped because the elderly woman cannot afford to move into a care home.
Relationship counselor Caroline West-Meads acknowledged the difficulty of managing the husband's MS alongside the strain of the mother-in-law's presence. She suggested exploring potential medical causes for the behavior, such as dementia or the effects of TIAs, or that the mother-in-law may be grieving her lost independence or fearful of the future.
West-Meads advised confronting the mother-in-law about her hurtful remarks and asking what needs she feels are unmet. The counselor also recommended explaining the impact of the stress on the husband's MS and gently suggesting that living together may no longer be viable for anyone involved. Seeking professional help through adult social services for a needs assessment and contacting Age UK for advice on care options, housing, and funding were also suggested.
In a separate issue, another reader confessed to starting an affair with a colleague after discovering her husband's year-long affair. While her husband has ended his affair and expressed remorse, the reader's retaliatory affair has become a "disaster." The colleague, who has fallen deeply in love, is now threatening to expose the affair to colleagues if the reader ends it.
West-Meads characterized revenge affairs as understandable but often worsening the situation. She advised documenting the colleague's threats and firmly ending the affair, regardless of his behavior. The counselor emphasized that neither the husband nor the colleague has treated the reader with respect and encouraged her to decide on her future, independent of both men.