A reader has detailed her distress over her husband's secret gambling addiction, which has led to significant financial hardship and eroded trust within their 19-year marriage. The woman, who is 82, described her husband, 86, as kind and patient when they first met, leading her to trust him completely. However, after he moved into her house following her divorce, she discovered he had been lying throughout their marriage.
His gambling problem resulted in debts of £150,000, forcing her to take out an equity release on her home. She has since taken control of their finances. Further complications arose when she discovered he had been contacting an old girlfriend behind her back and had lied to their children to extricate himself from difficult situations. The husband reportedly blames his actions on poor health or anxiety, even misleading doctors and counselors, and tends to retreat to bed or feign illness when confronted.
The reader stated that despite years of counseling and attempts to help him, her husband has shown no willingness to change, and she feels exhausted by the ongoing situation. She expressed that she does not want to spend the remainder of her life in this manner.
Caroline West-Mads, the agony aunt responding to the query, identified the situation as financial abuse. She noted that the husband's actions, including the debt accumulation, forcing equity release, and manipulative behavior through lying and feigning illness, are inexcusable. West-Mads encouraged the reader to prioritize her own needs, suggesting she inform her children about the extent of the situation and seek legal advice.
The advice also recommended contacting Hourglass, a charity specializing in supporting older people experiencing abuse, which offers a 24-hour helpline. The reader was advised that understanding her legal options could be empowering. The article also included a separate query about a friend whose son has anxiety issues, where the friend seemed to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others' children.