A mother who experienced a severe episode of postpartum psychosis has shared her account, highlighting the devastating potential of the mental health condition that has drawn national attention through cases like that of Lindsay Clancy.
Clancy is accused of murdering her three young children, Cora, five, Dawson, three, and eight-month-old Callan, in January 2023 in Massachusetts. Clancy does not dispute causing the deaths but has pleaded not guilty, asserting she was suffering from postpartum psychosis. Following the alleged killings, she reportedly attempted suicide and sustained injuries that left her paralyzed.
Ayana Lage, author of the book "Missing Me," describes her own terrifying experience with postpartum psychosis. In an excerpt, she recounts hearing what she believed to be God's voice shortly after giving birth, instructing her to rewrite the Bible. This delusion led to her hospitalization for 17 days, during which she developed beliefs that her baby was the second coming of Jesus, Satan had possessed her body, and hospital staff were attempting to kill her. She refused basic hygiene, believing it would lead to her death.
"The couple's joy at the birth of their baby soon turned sinister when Lage started to show signs of postpartum psychosis, believing their child to be the second coming of Christ," the notes state, referencing an image caption. Lage expressed that had she been at home and experiencing similar delusions, she might have acted upon them if a voice had instructed her to harm her child.
Postpartum psychosis is a severe mental health emergency that can affect women after childbirth. Statistics indicate that up to four percent of sufferers may harm their infants if left untreated. The case of Andrea Yates, who drowned her five children in 2001, is also cited as a tragic example of the illness, where Yates was later found not guilty by reason of insanity due to postpartum psychosis.
Lage's journal entries from her psychiatric stay reveal the depth of her delusions, including believing her doctor was Satan and that hospital staff were involved in illegal experiments. She also described visions of dead patients in the hospital showers, reinforcing her fear and distrust.
Factors that may increase the likelihood of developing postpartum psychosis include a family history of bipolar disorder, a traumatic birth experience, severe sleep deprivation, and hormonal shifts. Lage mentioned a personal history of depression and anxiety, and a complex relationship with faith, which she felt amplified the impact of her psychotic episode when she believed she was hearing directly from God.
Despite the terrifying hallucinations and delusions, Lage eventually began to trust a nurse who explained the benefits of medication. Taking the prescribed pills, initially fearing they were poison, marked a turning point. She wrote, "The day-shift nurses are angels, but the night shift is made up of demons in disguise. It's the middle of the day. I can trust her."
Her recovery involved a significant struggle, both within the hospital and in the period following her discharge. The excerpt from "Missing Me" by Ayana Lage is used with permission from Worthy Books, a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.