A 56-year-old man, identified as Stephen, has expressed his concern to columnist Bel Mooney about a significant decline in physical intimacy with his wife of 28 years. He notes that their conversations have become purely practical, focusing on household matters and finances, and that they no longer share the deep, engaging discussions they once did. This shift has left him feeling like they are operating as a team rather than a couple, with his wife content with their comfortable, stable life while he yearns for the companionship and closeness they shared in their younger years. He questions whether this is simply a consequence of aging or if something fundamental has been lost.
Bel Mooney, in her response, acknowledges the commonality of such marital shifts, especially after raising children and navigating life's practicalities. She emphasizes that while stability is valuable, it should not preclude happiness and companionship. Mooney encourages Stephen to be more proactive in rekindling their connection, suggesting initiatives like planning surprise outings or initiating shared activities, rather than passively accepting the status quo or considering formal counseling when the core issue may be a lack of expressed desire for change.
In a separate letter, a mother named Emma shared her anxieties about her 22-year-old son, Jake. Jake, who has a stable job after graduating, is deeply infatuated with a 25-year-old woman named Caroline. Emma describes Caroline as volatile, exhibiting inconsistent behavior such as canceling plans last minute, intermittent declarations of commitment, and temper tantrums. Jake, who is gentle and desires a settled life, has confided in his mother about experiencing "dark thoughts," leading Emma to fear for his emotional well-being. She also mentioned that Jake wishes to move in with Caroline.
Mooney's advice to Emma highlights the enduring nature of parental worry, even for adult children. She stresses the importance of Jake confiding in his mother and advises Emma to encourage this communication without revealing her reservations about Caroline, which could alienate her son. Mooney suggests gently dissuading Jake from moving in with Caroline and refusing financial support. She advises Emma to reassure her son that difficult emotional periods pass and that it is a mistake to make one's happiness entirely dependent on another person. Mooney also urges Jake to maintain his focus on his career and friendships, emphasizing the need to avoid becoming a "victim" of Caroline's whims.
The column also includes a personal reflection from Mooney about the aftermath of the September 11, 2001, attacks, where she recounts her dismay at what she perceived as "victim-blaming" among some British intellectuals who suggested the U.S. "had it coming." She contrasts this with her admiration for Charlie Kirk, an evangelical Christian she viewed as a proponent of free speech and patriotism, whose assassination she also saw met with celebration by some on the Left. Mooney links these events to a broader societal tendency where citizens feeling powerless can experience depression or anger, a phenomenon often labeled as "mental health" issues.