Walter Thompson-Hernández's debut feature film, “If I Go Will They Miss Me,” delves into the tender and often difficult relationship between a father and son, set against the backdrop of South Los Angeles. The semi-autobiographical coming-of-age story explores the gap between a child's perception of their parents and the reality of flawed, complicated adults. The film centers on Big Ant (J. Alphonse Nicholson), who returns home after a prison stint, attempting to reconnect with his wife Lozita (Danielle Brooks) and his 12-year-old son, Lil Ant (Bodhi Dell). As the narrative unfolds, the film highlights how children often hold idealized views of their parents, views that can be challenged by the complexities of adult life.
Lil Ant, much like Thompson-Hernández in his own childhood, uses his imagination to fill in the blanks about the father he barely knew. He sees his father through a lens of myth and admiration, drawing him as Poseidon and constructing a Pegasus costume that symbolizes freedom and aspiration. However, Big Ant resents these idealized images, fearing his son's potential future and what his own perceived shortcomings might mean for the boy's development. This tension is underscored by the recurring imagery of flight, which the director uses to symbolize both escape and the potential for harm.
Flight, Mythology, and Parental Fear
Flight and Greek mythology are central themes in “If I Go,” reflecting Thompson-Hernández's own upbringing. He found in Greek myths a way to understand the complex men in his life, both present and absent. Similarly, Lil Ant turns to these ancient stories to navigate his world and his relationship with his father. The film portrays children's capacity for astute observations and their ability to weave real-life experiences into fantastical narratives.
The imagery of flight, inspired by airplanes flying over Los Angeles International Airport (LAX), carries a dual meaning. For children like Thompson-Hernández, flight symbolized freedom and curiosity about the world. However, the director also acknowledges the detrimental health effects of living under LAX's flight path, linking the planes to respiratory issues like asthma. This duality—flight as aspiration versus flight as a source of harm—mirrors Big Ant's fear for his son's future.
“Flight for me is a complicated thing, because I’m able to dream and imagine about these beautiful pieces of metal in the sky. But these pieces of metal are also damaging me, and hurting us,” Thompson-Hernández explained.
The film’s characters are brought to life by a talented cast. J. Alphonse Nicholson, who plays Big Ant, praised co-star Danielle Brooks for her portrayal of Lozita, calling her performance “breathtaking.” Nicholson also lauded newcomer Bodhi Dell for his quiet and impactful performance as Lil Ant, noting Dell's ability to convey deep emotion with subtle restraint.
Nicholson connected deeply with the character of Big Ant, drawing from his own experiences as a father and acknowledging the character's flaws and struggles. "We had certain similarities," Nicholson said. "He’s a father. I’m a father. I know what it is to be flawed and complex. I also know what it’s like to have run-ins with the law; all those things."
A Nuanced Portrayal of South Los Angeles
Thompson-Hernández intentionally sought to present a different cinematic view of South Los Angeles, moving away from the violence-centric narratives often depicted in films. Filming on location in Watts' Nickerson Gardens housing projects, the production aimed to capture the neighborhood's authentic atmosphere and community spirit. Nicholson described the experience as feeling like "paradise," observing the vibrant community life.
The film also subtly addresses demographic shifts in Watts, a once predominantly Black neighborhood that is now largely Latino. Thompson-Hernández uses sonic elements, such as Mexican music heard through apartment walls, to weave this broader conversation into the narrative without explicit exposition. This approach reflects his background as a radio journalist and a storyteller deeply influenced by oral traditions within his family and community.
“If I Go Will They Miss Me” is described by Thompson-Hernández as a "love letter" and an "offering" to his childhood. The film explores themes of grace and redemption, questioning how individuals can learn to extend compassion and forgiveness to loved ones despite their flaws. The director hopes the film's specificity will resonate universally, allowing audiences to connect with the emotional core of the father-son story, regardless of their own experiences.
“The word that people always talk about is universal,” he noted. “But I think the universality exists in the specific.”
The film's reception has been positive, with audiences expressing support for stories that thoughtfully portray Black and Brown communities. Thompson-Hernández views the opportunity to bring such a personal story to the screen as a testament to the power of specific experiences to connect with a wider audience globally, even as mainstream opportunities for such narratives remain limited.