A woman has written to sex columnist Jana Hocking, seeking advice on how to navigate her husband's humiliation over her need for a vibrator to achieve orgasm. The 29-year-old, married for just over a year, explained that while she enjoys sex, penetration alone rarely leads to climax. She occasionally uses a vibrator afterward, a practice her husband discovered with a strong negative reaction.
"The way he reacted, you would have thought he had walked in on me with another man," the letter writer, who signed herself "Buzzed Off," stated. Her husband accused her of faking orgasms and began making derisive comments about the vibrator, even hiding it and claiming he felt he was "competing."
"He says he wants to be enough for me and that my using a vibrator after sex makes him feel humiliated," she wrote. "I understand that his feelings are real but I'm beginning to resent being expected to sacrifice my orgasm so he can feel better about his performance."
Hocking responded by calling the husband's reaction "precious" and suggesting it stems from insecurity and potentially misogynistic views. "Newsflash: sometimes a woman just has to get the job done herself," Hocking wrote. "And may I commend you for making sure you do."
She advised the letter writer to tell her husband that if he doesn't want to compete, he should "up his game" and pay more attention to her needs. Hocking stressed that women are entitled to their pleasure and that orgasms provide stress relief and bonding hormones. "If he's too intimidated to give them to you and isn't willing to learn, it's time for him to jog on," she stated. "His insecurities are not yours to carry."