Hull City assistant manager Dean Holden has found a profound sense of perspective in his professional life, directly influenced by the personal tragedy of losing his young daughter, Cici. The loss of his 17-month-old daughter to meningococcal septicaemia 14 years ago has significantly altered his outlook, allowing him to approach football with a balanced view.
"Everything in life is fixable other than that one thing," Holden stated, referring to the loss of his child. "It does help put things into perspective. I’ll tell myself, 'Calm down, you’ve lost a game of football'. Nobody wants to win more than me, but nothing will ever be as bad as losing a child."
Coping with Tragedy and Family Life
Holden and his wife, Danielle, have been open about their grief, co-starring in a YouTube series titled 'Holden It Together.' The series offers an honest look at their family life and their approach to navigating such a profound loss. Holden highlighted that 88 percent of relationships endure the loss of a child do not last beyond another two years, attributing their own relationship's strength to a refusal to let uncontrollable factors interfere, emphasizing "brutal honesty" and "communication."
Team Dynamics and Managerial Style
His perspective extends to his professional relationships, particularly with Hull manager Sergej Jakirovic. Holden describes Jakirovic as a manager who values "honesty and clarity" and operates with an "old school" approach, communicating directly with players. A key tenet of Jakirovic's philosophy is a "no jealousy" policy, encouraging players not to resent teammates who are selected ahead of them. This approach is crucial given the significant number of new players brought in during the transfer window, with the manager prepared to make tactical substitutions.
Hull City's Strong Start
Holden also reflected on the team's surprising success this season, with two wins from their opening two matches, including a victory over Manchester United. He recalled an incident from his first meeting with Jakirovic when their teams were playing against each other, noting a moment of heated exchange that ultimately contributed to him securing the job at Hull. He believes Jakirovic respected his drive to win even in a difficult situation with his previous club, Adana Demirspor, which had been deducted points.
Despite a transfer embargo last season and surviving relegation on goal difference the year before, Hull secured promotion via a play-off final victory. Holden characterized the team as having "a lot of spirit, were really hard-working and carried no prima donnas. Just proper, humble, working-class lads." He acknowledged comments made by Joe Cole prior to the Manchester United match, suggesting Hull had "arrived through the back door" and were already relegated, finding such remarks disappointing from those who understand the challenges of professional football.
Future Outlook and Personal Reflection
Holden, who overcame three broken legs during his playing career, expressed a desire to return to management at some point. However, his immediate focus is on securing Hull's Premier League status, noting that "10 wins and a few draws tends to be enough" for survival. He also touched upon his ongoing personal journey, including exploring the Wim Hof Method with his wife and children as a way to manage stress and find physiological resets. He is considering returning to Lanzarote, where his daughter Cici died, to revisit the location for the first time and continue his grieving process, hoping to help others who may be struggling.
"You don’t have to go through what we’ve been through. There are tough times for a lot of people. You don’t have to have a child die to be struggling," Holden concluded, emphasizing the universal nature of hardship and the importance of coping mechanisms.