The "tradwife" movement, which emphasizes a woman's role as a submissive homemaker, is facing scrutiny from former adherents over age 35 who are speaking out about the potential for financial dependency, emotional distress, and regret.
These women, who often married in their late teens or early twenties and abandoned career aspirations to focus on domestic duties, are now sharing their experiences of divorce in their thirties and forties, leaving them without significant education, work experience, or financial independence. The online discourse gained traction following a social media question about the absence of older tradwives, which prompted numerous women to share their stories.
Enitza Templeton, 43, who adopted an ultra-submissive homemaker role while raising four children, described her marriage as feeling like being a "prisoner." She found that the lifestyle left her "limited, dependent and longing for an escape." Templeton's own escape began when she realized the limitations of her life, stating, "At a certain age, I got to a point in the marriage where I was like, ‘Oh my god, is this really what I want to do with my life? What comes after this?'"
Templeton noted that many older tradwives either leave the lifestyle after recognizing its toxicity or remain in unhappy marriages, feeling "dead inside." She believes these women "are keeping their heads down, gritting their teeth and waiting to die because that’s all there is left for them. That’s their only escape."
For Templeton, the decision to leave was solidified while her child was undergoing open-heart surgery. Lacking financial resources, she strategically sought employment, becoming a certified nursing assistant. After two years of saving money, she initiated divorce proceedings, which were finalized in August 2019. She described the transition to independence as "crazy empowering," though also "terrifying."
Christine, 40, another former tradwife who married at 17, shared a similar narrative. She described her identity as becoming solely an "extension of" her husband and admitted to justifying his infidelity. Her own health issues, including a Lyme disease diagnosis, led her to question her complete subservience.
"When I filed for divorce, I learned very quickly that I had even less control over my life and finances than I’d thought," Christine stated. She advises aspiring tradwives to ensure their partners support their autonomy and potential. "It is absolutely possible for husbands and wives to take on traditional roles if they’re both doing so in good faith," she added.
Sansa, 36, who left a similar lifestyle after marrying her husband shortly after high school, urged young women to be "vigilant." Having sacrificed a college scholarship for marriage at 18, she found herself divorced by 25 with no degree or savings. "My marriage wasn’t some lovey-dovey partnership. The house and kids were my responsibilities," Sansa recalled. She is now a nurse raising her two children and is committed to modeling healthy choices and decision-making for her daughter.
These women's testimonies highlight a common thread: the severe consequences that can arise when a lifestyle choice leads to a complete lack of personal agency, education, and financial security, particularly in the event of divorce.