Retirement, a time of freedom from daily obligations, can inadvertently lead to habits that may alienate loved ones or former colleagues, according to former royal butler Julius F. Smith. Smith, founder of Regal Afternoon Tea, has outlined a series of etiquette dos and don'ts for individuals entering retirement.
One of the primary pieces of advice is to avoid constant contact with former work colleagues. Smith emphasizes that once an individual has left a job, they should allow those still working to continue their tasks without interruption. This includes refraining from messaging for gossip or visiting the office, as important news will likely be shared.
Bragging about the perks of retirement, such as frequent cruises, is also discouraged. While enjoying well-earned leisure is understandable, Smith suggests that constantly recounting holiday experiences, especially to those still employed, can foster envy. Similarly, discussing an improved golf handicap or early tee times while former colleagues are at their desks is seen as insensitive.
Smith also cautions against excessive daytime television viewing, noting it can lead to being underfoot at home and providing tedious accounts of morning shows to social acquaintances. He advises retirees to use their newfound time for activities they previously couldn't pursue.
Asking others to guess one's age is identified as a peculiar habit that can put conversational partners in an awkward position. While sharing one's age is acceptable if comfortable, turning it into a guessing game is advised against.
Regarding personal choices, Smith suggests avoiding impulsive purchases like sports cars solely to recapture youth, advocating instead for aging gracefully. He also warns against using a will as a tool to control family members, advising against rewriting it over minor disappointments, as family members have their own lives and obligations.
The phrase 'back in my day' is highlighted as a potential communication barrier, often leading to eye-rolling among younger individuals. While sharing experiences is valuable, Smith cautions against assuming past methods were inherently superior.
Financial and social habits are also addressed. Smith warns of the danger of lunchtime drinks becoming a daily routine, which can have health implications and negatively impact manners. He suggests that retirement should broaden one's world, not narrow it to a bar.
Conversely, Smith encourages retirees to dress appropriately, not by trying to emulate younger generations, but by maintaining a stylish and age-appropriate appearance. Giving partners space is also crucial, as a spouse accustomed to a partner being away for long hours may not appreciate constant companionship. It is recommended that retirees develop their own hobbies and friendships.
Respecting that others still work is paramount. Sending messages throughout the workday and expecting immediate replies can be frustrating for those with professional commitments. Retirement offers control over one's time, and this luxury should be balanced with an understanding of others' schedules.
While giving advice is natural, Smith suggests waiting to be asked. Mentoring or sharing knowledge when solicited can be rewarding. He also advocates for volunteering, citing an example of a retired butler who drove the elderly to appointments, emphasizing the value of giving time freely and the importance of gratitude.
Finally, Smith recommends writing down life memories, experiences, and lessons learned. He believes this preserves valuable insights for future generations and serves as a legacy. Ultimately, he advises retirees to set a positive example by remaining gentlemanly or ladylike, staying engaged with the world, and inspiring younger generations.