Retirement, often envisioned as a period of leisure and freedom, can present its own set of social challenges, according to former royal butler Julius F. Smith. In an effort to guide individuals through this transition, Smith, founder of Regal Afternoon Tea, has shared his insights on retirement etiquette, emphasizing the importance of maintaining grace and consideration for others.
One common pitfall, Smith notes, is the tendency for retirees to remain overly connected to their former workplaces. He advises against persistently checking in on former colleagues, seeking gossip, or visiting the office, suggesting that retirees should allow their former coworkers to continue their professional lives without interruption. "Once you’ve left, you've left," Smith stated.
Boasting about retirement activities, such as frequent cruises, is also discouraged. While acknowledging that retirees have earned their leisure time, Smith cautions that constantly detailing holiday experiences, especially to those still engaged in daily work, can breed envy. "All it does is store up envy – and nobody likes someone who brags," he explained.
Smith also warns against excessive daytime television viewing, which can lead to encroaching on a partner's space and provide uninteresting conversation topics. Instead, he encourages retirees to pursue activities they previously lacked time for.
Furthermore, retirees are advised to refrain from sharing details about personal achievements like improved golf handicaps with former colleagues still at their desks. Similarly, the habit of asking others to guess one's age is deemed insensitive and potentially awkward for the person being asked. Smith also cautions against impulsive purchases, like sports cars, as a means to recapture youth, advocating instead for aging gracefully.
The will, Smith warns, should not be used as a disciplinary tool for family members. He notes that retirees sometimes become overly fixated on perceived slights, threatening to alter their wills due to minor disappointments. "Don't use your will as a weapon every time a member of the family disappoints you," he advised.
The phrase "back in my day" is highlighted as a particular pet peeve, often met with eye-rolling by younger generations. While acknowledging that times have changed, Smith suggests avoiding the implication that past practices were inherently superior.
Regarding social habits, Smith cautions against the normalization of daily afternoon drinking, which can stem from the lack of an early morning work alarm. He posits that alcohol consumption can negatively impact manners and reduce one's world to mere trips to a bar.
On the positive side, Smith encourages retirees to "dress their age," advocating for stylish but age-appropriate attire rather than attempting to emulate younger generations. He also stresses the importance of giving partners personal space, as they may not be accustomed to a spouse being home all day.
Respecting that others are still working is paramount, Smith emphasizes. He advises against expecting immediate responses to messages sent during work hours, as friends and family may be occupied with their professional responsibilities. "Good manners means respecting that other people don't yet have the same luxury," he stated.
Offering advice to younger generations should only be done when requested, according to Smith. He suggests mentoring as a more constructive way to share experience, rather than unsolicited pronouncements. Volunteering for charities is presented as a valuable use of retirement time, but he reminds recipients to express gratitude to those who offer their time freely.
Finally, Smith recommends writing down life memories and experiences as a way to preserve knowledge and share lessons learned with future generations. He believes retirement offers an opportunity to set an example, remain engaged with the world, and inspire younger people. "Above all, retirement is an opportunity to set an example," he concluded.