The practice of asking wedding guests to contribute financially to the celebration has come under scrutiny following an "outrageous" crowdfunding page set up by former rugby star Danny Cipriani and his fiancée, actress AnnaLynne McCord. Although the couple are reportedly wealthy, they invited friends and family to pay for elements such as the marriage license and reception meal. This has prompted experts to weigh in on the etiquette of guests contributing to wedding expenses.
Julius F Smith, an etiquette expert and former royal butler, stated that if a couple cannot afford their desired wedding, they should "dream a little smaller, not to pass the hat around." He described the crowdfunding effort as "tacky in the extreme," emphasizing that guests already incur costs for travel and accommodation.
Smith noted that there are rare exceptions where guest contributions might be permissible. He suggested that young couples could ask parents for help, provided they have a firm budget and give ample notice. Alternatively, if friends and family are aware of the couple's financial situation and offer to help voluntarily, that is acceptable. Borrowing money from a bank or family member, with the understanding of repayment, is also a transparent option.
Rakhee Wood, a financial advisor, agreed that asking guests for cash can be reasonable depending on the circumstances and how the request is made. She highlighted that many couples already possess household items, making monetary gifts for honeymoons or future savings more practical than unwanted physical gifts. However, she distinguished this from asking guests to fund an expensive or destination wedding, especially after guests have already committed to travel and time off work.
"Cash should be offered as an option and never treated as an expectation," Wood advised, stressing the need to be sensitive to the financial pressure guests may already be under. She added that asking parents or close family for financial help can be acceptable if both parties are comfortable.
When it comes to gifts, etiquette experts provided some guidance on monetary amounts. For close family and friends, Smith suggested around £60 per person or £100 per couple. For less intimate connections, £30 might suffice. Wedding planner Maruf Ahmed suggested an informal minimum of £50 for colleagues or distant acquaintances, with £150 or more being more appropriate for close family and friends. He also proposed group cash gifts for friends to allow those with fewer resources to contribute without drawing attention.
Research indicates that British guests are set to spend approximately £11.7 billion attending weddings this year, with an average cost of £692 per event. The average cost for hosts to stage a wedding has reached £21,902. Experts attribute increased spending to high inflation and the ongoing cost of living crisis, which is leading some families to rely on credit cards and other forms of debt.