Dear Abby columnist Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, recently addressed two reader dilemmas: one concerning a nephew's troubling lack of basic life skills and another about how to handle personal items belonging to an estranged son.
In the first letter, a woman identified as "Smelly Situation" described her growing distress over her 26-year-old nephew, Ryan, who has been living with her and her husband. Ryan, who was homeless and jobless when he moved in, was able to secure a job through a relative but does not earn enough to live independently. His living habits have become a significant issue, including poor personal hygiene, neglecting laundry, and leaving dirty dishes in his room, which also houses the aunt's closet. The aunt is concerned that her clothes will begin to smell.
Dear Abby acknowledged that Ryan's parents had failed to teach him essential survival skills. The columnist advised that the aunt and her husband establish clear rules for Ryan's continued stay. These rules should include requirements for regular showering, daily deodorant use, eating in designated areas, and proper disposal of dirty dishes. Abby also recommended setting up a savings plan to help Ryan accumulate funds for his own housing, even if it means eventually sharing with a roommate.
The second reader, "Ex-Mother in Arizona," wrote to Abby about being estranged from her son for three years and unsure how to return his belongings. The mother stated she does not expect to see her son again but still has items belonging to him.
Dear Abby advised the mother to box up the items and send them to her son's address if she is certain he still resides there. This action, Abby explained, ensures that the mother cannot be accused of withholding anything from her son.
Dear Abby was founded by Pauline Phillips and is now written by her daughter, Abigail Van Buren. Readers can contact the column through its website, DearAbby.com.