Dear Abby columnist Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, recently tackled two reader dilemmas: one from a bride-to-be who felt overlooked because she is eloping, and another from a friend who ruined a borrowed cardigan.
In the first letter, a woman referred to as "Bride, Not Brat" explains that she is the last of her friends to marry and is choosing to elope with her fiancé this summer. Having already established a home and needing no material gifts, she told her mother and sister that a bridal shower was unnecessary. However, she now feels slighted and forgotten by her friends and family because no one has planned any other celebration for her.
"I would have loved at least a fun girls’ night at our favorite restaurant or even a quiet one watching chick flicks, wearing face masks and painting our toenails — a day where they said, 'We thought about you,'" the reader wrote. She worried that asking for a celebration would make her sound "like a spoiled brat."
Dear Abby advised the reader that her friends and family are acting on her stated wishes. "By eloping and refusing a bridal shower, you’ve signaled that you want this event to pass uncelebrated by the people closest to you," Van Buren responded. "If that’s not really what you want, speak up now." She suggested the reader apologize for any misunderstanding and give a friend permission to plan the desired girls' night.
The second letter came from a reader in California, who lent a friend an outfit and cardigan for a wedding. Although the friend did not wear the cardigan, she washed it before returning it, which ruined the garment. The lender did not specify that the cardigan should not be washed, and the borrower did not ask about cleaning instructions.
The borrower offered to pay for the cardigan, but its cost was significant for her. The lender, "Dirty Laundry in California," felt conflicted about asking for reimbursement, as it would be a financial strain on her friend, but admitted to feeling resentful.
Dear Abby placed blame on both parties, stating the lender failed to specify return instructions and the borrower failed to ask. "Is the value of that sweater worth more than the friendship you have with this person?" Van Buren asked. "Because you know reimbursing you would be a stretch for her, why not chalk this up to an expensive lesson you learned?"
Dear Abby was founded by Pauline Phillips and is currently written by her daughter, Jeanne Phillips. Readers can contact Dear Abby via her website or by mail.