A trend is emerging among engaged couples to forgo wedding gifts, a shift driven by the increasing costs associated with attending weddings and a desire to ease the financial pressure on guests. This movement sees newlyweds explicitly asking attendees to come empty-handed, a stark contrast to the traditional expectation of recouping event costs through cash or registry gifts.
The number of couples registered on wedding planning platforms who decline gifts has reportedly doubled in the past year, according to data from Joy. This sentiment is echoed by couples like Melissa Reinecke and her husband Dan, who in 2023 requested no gifts for their Ohio backyard wedding. "We know how expensive it is for flights, hotels, Ubers and rentals," Melissa Reinecke, a marketing executive, stated. "We just wanted their gift to be coming, making it there and celebrating with us."
This approach challenges the conventional notion that guests should aim to cover their meal costs with their gift, a concept sometimes referred to as the "cover your plate" rule. Couples who opt out of gifts often feel they are already adults with established households and do not need additional material possessions. "We’re both grown adults," said one bride named Jessica, whose older relatives insisted on buying kitchen items despite the couple having lived together for years. She added that marrying in Sweden made the request for no gifts even more appropriate, as guests were already incurring significant travel expenses.
Bailey Cypheridge and Jocelyn Simone Rhude, who married in Sonoma, California, also eschewed gifts last year, noting they did not need household items as they already lived together. In a notable reversal, they gifted their guests with merchandise such as concert posters, sweatshirts, and hats, a gesture that was reportedly very well-received.
Wedding etiquette experts suggest that gifts are not an obligation. Jen Glantz, founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, commented, "It’s ridiculous to think you have to give a couple a wedding gift. You absolutely do not." She advises that if a couple invites guests, it's assumed they can afford to host them, and guests should not feel pressured to give a monetary gift equivalent to the event's cost.
However, this perspective is not universally shared. Some couples express disappointment on online forums when guests do not contribute financially, feeling that accepting an invitation implies an understanding of associated costs. One bride on Reddit wrote, "Personally, I’d be mortified to show up to a wedding without cash [or] a check covering my meal."
The rising expense of attending weddings is a significant factor. A study by The Knot indicates the average cost for a guest to attend a wedding has reached $610 per person. For guests, particularly those involved in bridal parties, expenses for attire, travel, and pre-wedding events can accumulate, making the addition of a wedding gift feel excessive.
Olympia Rizzo, a former fashion publicist, opted for an intimate reception and consciously freed her friends from gift expectations, recognizing the financial strain many young adults face. "It doesn’t matter how much you make; it’s really still wiser to invest those hundred dollars versus buying a gift," she said.
Others point out that destination weddings, while saving the couple money, can pass significant costs onto guests. Mary Greenberg, a teacher attending seven weddings in the coming year, finds her budget strained and vacation time limited. She noted that couples who choose expensive venues or destinations may be saving money by shifting the financial expectation to their guests, sometimes with registry items that do not align with guests' financial capabilities.