Author and podcast host Mel Robbins recently shared a tactic she employed as a waitress: prioritizing service towards women at a table to increase her tips. Robbins recalled that a former manager at the Red Rooster Tavern in Michigan advised her that women often influence the gratuity, even if a man is paying the bill. "She told me when I started waitressing the secret to getting a good tip: Understanding who has influence over who gives you the good tip," Robbins told The Wall Street Journal.
Robbins' strategy involved "ignoring the men and to completely take fabulous care of the women," based on her observation that women would often prompt their male companions to tip generously for good service. "What happens when the check comes, and you’ve had a really good server? What happens often is the women turn to their partners and say, ‘She was great. Give her a good tip,'" she explained.
However, hospitality and etiquette experts suggest a more inclusive approach. Robert Mahon, managing partner of New York-based Mahon Hospitality Group, acknowledged that women can influence tipping decisions when a man is paying but stated that focusing solely on one gender is poor hospitality. "We would never encourage a server to show favoritism," Mahon told Fox News Digital. He advises servers to "read the whole table" and ensure everyone feels well-cared for, as friendliness and engagement are key to generating larger tips, regardless of gender.
Research also suggests psychological factors play a role in tipping. A 2010 study by communication researchers John S. Seiter and Harry Weger Jr. found that servers who complimented diners received significantly higher tips. This indicates that small, positive interpersonal interactions can impact gratuities.
Lisa Burdette, founder of the Dallas School of Etiquette, agreed that women can influence tips but reiterated that servers should attend to all patrons. According to etiquette, the person settling the bill typically has the final say on the gratuity, and it should not be a point of discussion among diners. "A good server should always concentrate on all customers, never slighting anyone," Burdette said.