A conversational pattern known as ‘boomerasking’—where individuals ask a question primarily as a means to steer the conversation back to themselves—has been detailed by a behavioral scientist. Dr. Michael Yeomans of Imperial College London, who co-coined the term, suggests this habit can make individuals appear insincere and less likable.
Dr. Yeomans explains that ‘boomerasking’ involves briefly acknowledging another person's response before pivoting to a personal story or observation. This contrasts with genuine curiosity, which prompts follow-up questions that demonstrate active listening and engagement with the other person's contribution.
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, co-authored by Dr. Yeomans, surveyed 302 people and found that two-thirds had encountered boomerasking within the preceding week. Further surveys involving over 1,800 participants indicated that individuals who exhibit this behavior are generally perceived as less sincere and less likable.
The study identified three types of boomerasking: ‘ask-bragging,’ where a question is used to showcase personal achievements; ‘ask-complaining,’ where a question serves as an opening to express grievances; and ‘ask-sharing,’ which leads to the disclosure of neutral personal information.
Dr. Yeomans offers several strategies to break the boomerasking habit. The first step involves recognizing the tendency to ask questions without fully listening to the responses. He recommends practicing asking questions that one cannot readily answer oneself, such as inquiring about pets when one does not own a pet, to curb the impulse to relate the topic back to personal experiences. Additionally, he advises cultivating genuine interest in others by practicing follow-up questions and comments that confirm understanding of what has been said. Another suggestion is to consciously pause for an additional conversational turn before redirecting the topic to oneself.
These techniques aim to foster more authentic and engaging interactions in both personal and professional settings, according to Dr. Yeomans.