The earliest years of life, though often a blank in adult memory, play a crucial role in shaping who we become. This phenomenon, known as infantile amnesia, means individuals typically cannot recall events before the age of 3 or 4, with even memories from before age 7 being fragmented. Even memories that people believe they have from infancy are often a compilation of told stories, photographs, or media.
Despite the lack of conscious recall, scientific evidence suggests these early experiences leave a lasting imprint. According to cognitive psychologist Tristan Yates of Columbia University, even if direct memories are not formed or retained, the foundational feelings of safety and love experienced in infancy help shape how individuals form relationships later in life. Research using MRI machines has shown that babies can distinguish between previously seen images, indicating a capacity for forming short-term memories.
"We are showing that they’re able to form some memories," Yates stated. "The hippocampus is capable of forming specific memories over a few minutes, but now we need to start doing the research that can get us at longer durations, that can get at more complex memories."
One theory for infantile amnesia posits that an infant's brain prioritizes learning essential survival skills and patterns, such as walking, talking, eating, or recognizing routines, over storing specific, non-essential memories. This developmental focus on acquiring general capabilities rather than specific recollections may explain why detailed recall from early childhood is elusive.
Dr. Dana Suskind, a professor of surgery and pediatrics at the University of Chicago, who studies early childhood development, explains that the brain undergoes rapid development in the first three years of life, with 85 percent of its physical structure forming during this period. A million new neural connections are made every second, significantly influenced by environmental input from parents and caregivers.
"Every serve and return, every touch, every gaze — literally is helping shape and strengthen the neural connections that happen in our brain," Suskind said. "The brain isn’t being just built for your child’s vocabulary development or their literacy ability. It’s building their social brain, their ability to relate to and connect to the rest of the world. The relationships and the expectations for relationships are built in those early years."
Suskind likens the early years to building the fundamental hardware and firmware of a computer, while later education provides software updates. She emphasizes the importance of attachment and being a "perfectly imperfect parent," encouraging caregivers to embrace mistakes and repairs as opportunities for children to learn about love and healthy relationships. The interactions and rich language exchanges between caregivers and infants are vital in building this relational framework.
Suskind also discusses the concept of "friction" in child development, arguing that children learn from productive struggle and imperfect parenting rather than a frictionless existence. This "friction" is seen as key to developing relationships and learning itself, contrasting it with experiences like writing an essay with AI, which may not be retained as effectively.
While specific memories may fade, Suskind assures parents that celebrations like first birthday parties are valuable, not only for the child's at some level of memory but also for the parents, grandparents, and the creation of shared family history. These moments contribute to the enduring bonds and provide material for later reminiscence.