When Katya Suvorova was a child, her mother told her she was a model. This carefully constructed narrative unraveled years later when Suvorova discovered a catalogue in her stepfather's garage, featuring her mother as a mail-order bride.
"There were no op-eds or fashion shoots. And the women in its pages were not advertising lipsticks or shampoo or clothes. They were advertising themselves," Suvorova wrote in her memoir. "And there, in a corner near the middle, was a photo of my mother. She looked to be around 17 years old... 'I am looking for a family and eternal love.'"
This discovery led Suvorova to confront the complex realities of her family's past. She learned that her mother had come to the United States from the collapsing USSR, crossing the Mexican border undocumented with the help of a man named Joe. They attempted the crossing multiple times before succeeding.
"I'd always known how we came here – crossing the Mexico border with a man called Joe when I was three and a half and arriving in the United States undocumented," Suvorova explained. "He took us through in his car, telling us that we'd keep trying to cross until they let us in. We made it on the fourth or fifth time."
Suvorova's mother's decision to become a mail-order bride, and her subsequent journey to America, cast a long shadow over Suvorova's childhood. She described a tumultuous upbringing with multiple stepfathers, some of whom were violent and abusive. Her mother was often secretive about their past, leading to Suvorova's feelings of anger and confusion.
"I was mad, I realized, because I wanted her to be respectable and strong. Not to rely on a man. Not to put her picture in a catalogue waiting for some guy to pay for her contact details," Suvorova wrote.
Adding another layer of complexity, Suvorova later reconnected with her biological father, Ivan, whom her mother had painted as a dangerous figure. Suvorova discovered that her father had not been a killer and had actively tried to maintain a relationship with her, even offering to pay for her university education. This revelation offered Suvorova a different perspective on her mother's past choices and her own upbringing.
"I was shocked. I never knew he'd wanted me. And I could have really used a dad – my dad – during those lonely years, moving from place to place, escaping one man in search of another. Desperate for our green cards," she recounted.
Despite the hardships, Suvorova acknowledged the opportunities that her mother's choices eventually afforded her, including American citizenship, a university degree, and marriage. However, she also reflected on the sacrifices and the estrangement from her family in Russia.
"Ungrateful Immigrant Daughter: A Memoir From the Child of a Mail-Order Bride" by Katya Suvorova was published by Alcove Press on September 29.