Emily Newcombe, now 32, recounts a lifelong battle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that has profoundly affected her ability to form relationships and maintain a normal life. It was not until she was 30 that she received a formal diagnosis for the condition that had dictated elaborate rituals and intense anxiety for decades.
Newcombe's experiences with OCD began in childhood. One of her earliest memories is of spending hours arranging her duvet and toys at age six, becoming inconsolable when her cousin disturbed them. By 12, she developed rituals focused on symmetry and straightness, often leading to lateness for school and difficulty maintaining friendships, though her family perceived her as a "perfectionist."
As an adult, Newcombe's compulsions intensified. She found herself performing rituals for basic tasks like showering, which could take up to two and a half hours on particularly difficult days. Her professional life as a sales administrator was strained by constant worry about colleagues noticing her behaviors. After being made redundant in 2020, she began freelance work in the events industry, but her rituals became more debilitating. Driving to events involved repeatedly navigating roundabouts if she felt she had left them too early, an action driven by unbearable anxiety.
The death of her best friend's mother in 2021 significantly worsened her symptoms, trapping her in repetitive behaviors for hours. Getting dressed in the morning could involve starting over six or seven times if something felt "wrong."
Newcombe's social life and romantic relationships have been severely impacted. A first date at 30, where she disclosed her OCD, ended abruptly after she felt embarrassed by his light-hearted inquiry. She noted that her OCD had affected every date she had ever been on. While she had one serious relationship at 21, her OCD was less pronounced then, and she managed to keep it secret for the four years they were together. After that relationship ended, she tried dating apps but gave up after her compulsions prevented first dates from leading to second encounters. She believed potential partners would not want to date someone with the condition.
In 2021, Newcombe's condition deteriorated to the point where she could no longer work. She was formally diagnosed with OCD at age 30. She has undergone various treatments including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), meditation, and medication, but found none effective. In September 2024, she was admitted to Kendray Hospital for four months, where doctors described her case as one of the most severe they had encountered.
Currently, a significant ritual involves standing in one spot for up to nine hours while researching online, rereading information repeatedly if concentration is lost. This prolonged standing has led to swelling in her legs and feet, requiring medication. She has also gained weight due to mood-stabilizing medication and general overeating.
Newcombe feels like a recluse and fears that a relationship is unlikely, expressing concern about passing the condition to potential children or how her rituals might impact a child's life. While family support has been present, she has found solace and connection through support groups on Facebook and the charity OCD Action. She receives weekly therapy, but hopes to secure funding for a residential unit for intensive treatment for severe OCD patients.
Despite losing much of her life to the illness, Newcombe hopes to one day achieve recovery and build the future she has always desired.