The unexpected death of a public figure can evoke a deep and sometimes confusing sense of loss, particularly for millennials who grew up with certain celebrities. Therapists and mental health experts suggest this reaction is rooted in the concept of parasocial relationships—one-sided bonds formed with public figures through repeated exposure.
"Your brain doesn't actually care whether the relationship was mutual," said Gina Moffa, a grief therapist and author. "It bonds with what's familiar, what's constant, what's shown up for you again and again, even if that showing up only ever went one direction over a TV screen or a radio."
The familiarity of a celebrity's presence, even through a screen, can create a powerful connection. "Our brains process the familiar faces and voices of celebrities we come to know and love the same way they process real friends because we see them on our screens, often daily, in our own homes," explained therapist Tychelle Graham-Moskowitz. This connection is partly due to mirror neurons, which fire when we observe someone else's emotions, allowing us to internally mimic or feel connected to their experiences.
When these figures have been part of one's life during formative years, they can become a reference point for personal growth and life events. Dr. Jessi Gold, a psychiatrist, noted that "whether it is music, movies, sports, television or social media, we can feel like our paths have mirrored the path of the celebrity and we have ‘grown up with them’ or they represent a particular moment or time in our lives."
This sense of shared experience can make celebrity deaths particularly impactful. For millennials, who often saw child actors like Hayden Panettiere grow up on screen, their passing can feel like a loss of a shared past. "As we age as millennials, the death of celebrities shakes us out of our egocentric internal teenage feeling and forces us into the fragile reality that our own mortality is real," Graham-Moskowitz said.
Child actors can serve as role models and influential peers during developmental years. Licensed marriage and family therapist Chloë Bean stated, "Celebrities who were present during your developmental years become part of your internal reference system. They model resilience, sexuality, independence and aspirational qualities when you’re just starting to figure out who you are."
The rise of cable television and early internet access further solidified these bonds for millennials. TV served as a constant presence in homes, and online access allowed for deeper dives into celebrities' lives, creating a perceived intimacy. "Millennials were the first generation to have access to the internet in our homes as a regular occurrence, so not only did we see our favorite celebrities in movies, on television, in magazines and so on, but we got a chance to search more about them on the internet and eventually in the palms of our hands," Graham-Moskowitz observed.
Beyond shared history, a celebrity's openness about personal struggles can amplify the sense of connection and grief. Panettiere's public discussion of postpartum depression, trauma, and addiction resonated with many, offering a sense of shared vulnerability. "When someone visible says ‘me too,’ it gives people permission to stop hiding their own pain," Moffa said. "She didn’t just play characters we loved; she showed up as herself, in her own struggle, and that kind of honesty tells people watching from their own dark moments that they’re not alone in the struggle."
Experts advise validating these feelings, even if the connection was not reciprocal. "Grief doesn’t require reciprocity to be legitimate. It only requires attachment and meaning," Moffa stated. Talking about these feelings with others, being mindful of social media consumption, and seeking professional help if needed are recommended steps for processing such grief. The shared experience of mourning can also offer a sense of community and comfort.