The question of how many siblings one has can elicit complicated emotions for individuals who are the product of divorced parents. For Eilidh Dorgan, this simple query brings to the forefront a unique set of feelings associated with being the child of a first marriage, while her parents have since remarried and formed new families.
Dorgan described her early childhood as an only child for nine years, a period she found she could navigate by herself. Her parents divorced when she was six, and her mother remarried when she was seven. Shortly thereafter, her half-sister was born, followed by a half-brother two years later. Later, when Dorgan was 21, her father, who had also remarried, had another daughter. This youngest sibling was closer in age to Dorgan's own daughter than to Dorgan herself.
This situation left Dorgan straddling two families, yet feeling like an outsider in both. As new family units formed around her, she experienced a sense of being a lingering complication from an "extinct marriage."
She recalled the initial excitement of her first half-sibling's birth, eagerly participating in caregiving. However, the inherent differences in their childhood experiences soon became apparent. While Dorgan's life involved frequent moves and spending time in different countries, her siblings did not face the same complexities of managing belongings between two homes.
Evolving Families and Shifting Perspectives
As Dorgan moved to the US with her mother's family for nine months of the year during her teenage years, the complications of her circumstances became more pronounced. She was an English person living in America, and later a non-American attending university in New York while her siblings still had years of schooling ahead. Her father's youngest daughter was born during Dorgan's third year of university.
Watching from afar, she observed her parents attending their younger children's events – sports matches, plays, and concerts – often together with their current spouses. New traditions and routines were established, creating a sense of a cohesive family unit from which she was often absent or only fleetingly present.
Her American and English siblings did not meet until her wedding at age 31, and even then, they interacted minimally, essentially strangers sharing a sister.
Adult Reflections and Envy
Despite the common belief that adult children are unaffected by parental divorce, Dorgan, at 37, still experiences pangs of jealousy when seeing photos of her parents with their second-round children. These images, often displayed as screensavers or profile pictures, frequently omit her or show her in a less consistent role.
She acknowledges that for years, she focused on the perceived advantages of her situation, such as "double the presents" and extra holidays. However, becoming a parent herself offered a new perspective. She realized that her feelings of envy stemmed from the comparative simplicity and unity of her siblings' family experiences, where both parents were consistently on the same page.
Ultimately, Dorgan stated she wouldn't change her upbringing, as it provided her with a richer and more varied life experience. She views her own children's upbringing as a way to provide them with the experience of an "unbroken family with a shared history," a concept that contrasts with her own childhood.
Ironically, her own children may never experience the simple act of being a featured photo on their father's phone, as he is reportedly not tech-savvy enough to change his phone's background image.