A new dating shorthand called “Shrekking” — derived from the ogre protagonist of the 2001 animated film Shrek — has gained traction on social platforms, with proponents saying it helps people prioritise kindness and communication over looks and critics calling it manipulative and toxic.
On TikTok, Instagram and X, the term is used to describe intentionally dating someone perceived as less attractive in exchange for what users expect will be greater emotional availability or loyalty. Creators who promote the idea frame it as a corrective to superficial dating habits; detractors say it reduces relationships to power dynamics and can end in heartbreak.
London-based creator Sip Of Comfort, in a video posted to TikTok, defined Shrekking as “dating someone who is less attractive, or intentionally finding someone who is less attractive simply to get the attention that you think you need in a relationship,” and asked whether some women feared being mistreated if they dated someone perceived as more attractive than themselves. Another British influencer on TikTok labelled the practice “a horrible new trend in dating,” saying people who “lower your standards to a man that looks like Shrek” risk emotional trauma.
Videos that critique the trend have argued Shrekking can create a damaging power imbalance. A clip shared by Florida-based creator thatmoderndadlife featured a man who warned that choosing partners in that way is “a trap,” saying controlling someone does not build connection but “builds resentment.” The creator @shemanageslife similarly warned that women who Shrek can end up “getting Shrekked” — left heartbroken by partners they believed would be loyal because they were less conventionally attractive.
Licensed therapist Rachel Maldonado, writing on X, described Shrekking in more pragmatic terms: “You’re hot… they are not. So they better treat you nice!” Maldonado said the behaviour is an updated label for old dynamics in which people evaluate potential partners’ appearance and other attributes to calculate an expected outcome in a relationship. “Each person always subconsciously evaluates a potential romantic love interest,” she wrote, adding that the calculation is part of how people make decisions about romance.
Social commentators and users have pointed to the fairy-tale source of the term. In Shrek, the ogre protagonist falls for Princess Fiona, and the story’s twist — that Fiona herself becomes an ogre — is often cited as evidence that love can transcend conventional standards of beauty. Creators who use the term argue that Shrekking is about seeking partners who will prioritise emotional support, communication and kindness over aesthetics.
Not all responses have been negative. Some men who said they view themselves as less conventionally attractive posted messages of gratitude, saying their partners “Shrekked” them and that the relationships have been successful. On X, one user wrote that his wife “definitely Shrekked” and that he was “pretty happy she did.” Other posts by men framed the trend as a welcome reprieve from dating markets focused on looks.
Critics argue the practice can instrumentalise people’s bodies and emotions. A commentator on X warned that equating “dating down” with loyalty or security may create a power imbalance, reduce relationships to looks and status, and ultimately “lead to heartbreak and resentment.” Such critiques emphasise that treating another person as a means to an emotional end can erode mutual respect and consent in relationships.
The trend illuminates ongoing tensions in contemporary dating: the prominence of appearance-driven platforms, an increased public discussion of mental health and relationship expectations, and generational shifts in how romantic success is discussed online. While some users present Shrekking as a strategy to achieve greater emotional safety, therapists and critics caution that deliberately selecting partners on the basis of perceived attractiveness can replicate old inequalities in new language.
Shrekking’s spread has been largely grassroots, emerging from short-form videos and viral posts rather than academic or clinical study. As with many social-media-born terms, its definition varies by user and context; some describe it as prioritising kindness, others as intentionally lowering standards to secure attention. The debate around the practice underscores how quickly dating norms can be reframed and contested in public online spaces.
Whether the trend will endure beyond social-media cycles or reshape how people approach partner selection remains uncertain. For now, Shrekking functions as both a meme and a shorthand for a set of relationship behaviours that prompt questions about consent, power and what people expect from romantic partnerships.