Friends are increasingly feeling forced to spend hundreds or even thousands of pounds on hen and stag weekends, with some saying the social expectation to attend is pushing them into difficult financial choices.
Messages asking for transfers to cover flights, accommodation, matching outfits and group activities are now commonplace in group chats, and what used to be a night down the pub has for many become a weekend away. Hayley, 29, said she spent more than £1,000 on a hen party in Marbella after flights, a hotel and a succession of planned days out and nights out were added to the itinerary. "You feel like you have to do it," she said.
Research indicates the average cost is substantial. A 2023 study by insurer Aviva found UK invitees spent an average of £779 per person and £1,208 when parties were abroad. A separate industry study this year put the average price of attending a hen or stag abroad at about £1,664.
Organisers and guests describe a sequence of small and large expenses that quickly add up. Messages in WhatsApp groups often start with flights and accommodation, organisers say, and then plans for beach clubs, branded T-shirts and activities follow. Jasmine, 28, who is engaged, said that even when there is a set price for a hen, additional last-minute requests for up to £100 per person are not unusual. "You've already committed and you don't want to pull out," she said, adding that she thinks an appropriate spend should be within the range of a normal night out.
Pressure to attend can lead to awkward personal dynamics. Anna, who asked not to be identified, said she told a cousin she could not afford a hen party in Spain that would cost roughly £300 for flights and accommodation. She said that she received passive-aggressive replies and was told to "just save £20 a month" or to "ask your dad," comments that left her feeling she had little choice but to agree. The trip was ultimately cancelled because of the Covid-19 pandemic, but Anna said she has since felt uneasy when other events are planned and worries about being written off as "the friend who can't afford it."
Others described trying to keep costs down only to find hidden or discretionary spends mount. Claire, whose friends tried to save money by staying in a hostel for an Ibiza hen, said the accommodation turned out to be poor and, with flights and club spending, the weekend cost about £1,000 per person. Jemima, 34, said she was asked to contribute to a central bar kitty on a recent hen weekend despite not drinking, and watched the bills "keep racking up and up."
The issue transcends the UK. TikTok creator Sydney Jo in New York has built a viral series around the tensions a group of friends experiences while planning a bachelorette trip, highlighting fights over money, taxi decisions and splitting restaurant checks. A TikTok user posted a video showing the dilemma in stark terms with the caption about choosing whether to attend or "pay my rent for the next three months," an example of the anxiety many say they feel.
The cost pressure extends beyond pre-wedding events. Lucy, 29, spent about £700 attending a friend's wedding in Switzerland that required complicated travel and expensive local accommodation. She called the wedding "a lovely day" but said the marriage has since ended and that made the expense feel wasted. Elle, who married in Cyprus in her early 30s and later divorced, said she regretted a destination wedding because of the financial strain on guests and the pressure it placed on relationships. She said one bridesmaid was too scared to tell her she could not afford the trip.
Personal finance experts and some couples say better planning and honesty can reduce strains. Laura Suter, a personal finance expert, recommended discussing budgets up front and planning activities that accommodate different means. She suggested limiting novelty expenses such as multiple matching outfits and advised guests not to be afraid to say no if a trip becomes unaffordable. "Most friends would prefer honesty," she said.
Couples and organisers are taking note. Lucy, who is planning her own wedding next year, said she has become conscious of costs for guests and will aim to keep events affordable. Charles, 27, who is planning a wedding with many friends in the public sector, said he and his best man are considering a low-cost stag celebration such as going to the pub to watch football during the World Cup rather than organising costly activities.
The clustering of life events in people's late 20s and 30s — engagements, weddings and the arrival of children — compounds the strain, with multiple expensive weekends and events often falling within a short period. For some, cultural shifts in how milestones are celebrated, amplified by social media and destination-event trends, have transformed obligations that were once small and local into expensive, elaborate affairs.
Those who study social spending say transparency and early conversation can help. When organisers share realistic budgets and offer lower-cost alternatives, guests report feeling less pressured and more willing to participate. Where that conversation does not happen, friendships can be tested by money and by the sense that declining an invitation will carry a social cost.
As more people weigh the costs against commitments to friends, some are rethinking traditions and seeking ways to celebrate without imposing financial hardship. The choices being made now will likely shape how groups mark milestones in coming years, between the desire to celebrate and the realities of household budgets.
