Many people in their 20s and 30s say the expectation to attend increasingly expensive hen and stag weekends has left them feeling obliged to spend far more than they can afford. One guest, Hayley, 29, said she spent more than £1,000 on a hen weekend in Marbella after flights, accommodation, clubs, matching T-shirts and day activities were added to the itinerary.
Organisers typically begin by asking for deposits for flights and hotels via WhatsApp groups, and attendees often find additional costs added later for activities, outfits and shared bar tabs. Some guests say they accept the demands despite financial strain to avoid upsetting friends or being labelled unsupportive. Anna, 29, who asked not to use her real name, said she felt pressured to join a Spain trip that initially cost about £300 per person for travel and lodgings before extras were factored in; when she said she could not afford it, she received what she described as passive-aggressive messages and felt compelled to agree.
Individual experiences vary, but research indicates the rise in destination and multi-day celebrations has raised average spending. A 2023 Aviva study found UK invitees to stags and hens spent an average of £779 per person domestically and £1,208 abroad; a separate more recent survey put the average cost abroad at about £1,664. Guests say surprise extra charges are common. Jasmine, 28, said some hen trips set a headline price but later asked for an additional £100 per person for planned activities, leaving attendees already committed and reluctant to withdraw.
Some invitees report being asked to contribute to shared funds for things they do not use. A woman identified as Jemima, 34, said she had to put money into a central kitty for bars during a hen weekend despite being a non-drinker and feeling the charges were unfair. Another feature of the trend is how multiple events stack up in a short period. Lucy, who is in her late 20s, said she has seen costs escalate as friends move through milestones such as engagements, weddings and baby showers: "It's that time of life where everyone is getting engaged, married or having kids, and the costs of celebrating all of that adds up."
Destination weddings increase the financial burden further. Lucy described attending a wedding in Switzerland that cost about £700 for travel and accommodation in a remote town where cheaper options were limited. Elle, who was married in Cyprus in her early 30s and is now divorced, said she regretted choosing a destination wedding because it had put pressure on family and friends who flew out and took part in costly activities around the ceremony.
The financial pressure is not confined to the UK. TikTok creators and social-media accounts have documented similar tensions in the United States and elsewhere, with viral content exploring group-chat arguments over money, splitting bills and differing expectations about what a hen or stag should include. Sydney Jo, a New York creator, has made a series of sketches about bachelorette drama that highlight disputes over taxis, restaurant cheques and perceived stinginess.
Personal-finance experts and some organisers recommend clearer communication and more modest planning to reduce stress. Laura Suter, a personal finance expert, advised discussing budgets early, planning group activities with a range of budgets in mind and avoiding multiple matching outfits or needless extras. She also said it is reasonable to decline an invitation if the cost is unaffordable and that honest conversations are preferable to resentment.
Those organising events say they are increasingly aware of the issue. Lucy, who is planning her own wedding, said experience of expensive trips has made her conscious of guests' budgets and that she intends to keep costs manageable. Charles, 27, who is planning a wedding and stag do, said he and his best man may schedule his stag around major sporting events to keep plans informal and inexpensive, such as meeting at a pub to watch football rather than booking a weekend away.
The tension between the desire to celebrate and the practical limits of friends' finances has practical and social consequences. Some attendees report feeling stress and guilt; others said they have missed events for financial reasons and worried about the impact on friendships. While group organisers and finance advisers suggest discussing money openly and setting realistic expectations, the interviews and surveys indicate that social pressure remains a powerful factor in whether people say yes to expensive celebrations.
As more people move into life stages marked by weddings and family milestones, the frequency of invitations is likely to continue. How groups balance the desire for memorable celebrations with the financial realities of their members will depend on organisers' willingness to plan inclusively and guests' readiness to discuss limits frankly. The conversations already taking place among friends, finance experts and on social media suggest the debate over what counts as a reasonable spend for a hen, stag or wedding day is ongoing and, for many, deeply personal.
