Many people in their 20s and 30s say they feel obliged to spend large sums attending hen and stag parties as one-night celebrations become multi-day trips, sometimes abroad. Attendees and organisers described mounting requests for payments for flights, accommodation, matching outfits and activities, and research shows the average cost can run into the hundreds or thousands of pounds.
Some guests said the pressure to attend comes from group dynamics and fear of upsetting friends. Hayley, 29, told the BBC she spent more than £1,000 on a hen party in Marbella after WhatsApp messages requesting contributions for accommodation, flights and outings. "You feel like you have to do it," she said. Anna, who asked that her real name not be used, said she was urged to save or ask family members to help when a cousin set the cost of a Spanish hen at about £300 per person for flights and hotel, not including spending money. She eventually agreed, only for the trip to be cancelled because of the Covid-19 pandemic.
The scale of spending varies but is significant. A 2023 Aviva study found invitees spent an average of £779 per person in the UK and £1,208 per person for events abroad. A separate insurer study this year put the average cost of overseas hens and stags at £1,664. Those sums often exclude subsequent wedding costs, pushing the cumulative bill higher for people in social groups where multiple friends are marrying or expecting children.
Organisers and bridesmaids said hidden and add-on costs can compound the burden. Jasmine, 28, who is planning her own wedding, said she has encountered fixed prices for trips that were later increased by additional requests of up to £100 per person for extra activities. "And you've already committed and you don't want to pull out," she said. Another bridesmaid, who said she and others tried to keep costs down by booking a hostel in Ibiza, ended up spending about £1,000 each once flights, accommodation and club spending were tallied.
Splitting bills and centralised funds can also cause friction. A 34-year-old woman who asked to be identified as Jemima said she contributed to a communal bar kitty on a hen weekend despite not drinking, and found the bills "kept racking up and up." The issue is not confined to the UK. TikTok creators in the United States have documented similar tensions in friend groups, with viral sketches and series highlighting arguments over taxis, meal checks and differing spending habits.
Beyond bucks and euros, there are questions of value and outcome. Lucy, who attended a wedding in Switzerland that cost her about £700, said the experience felt expensive in retrospect after the couple later divorced. Elle, who held a destination wedding in Cyprus in her early 30s, said she now regrets the financial pressure it put on guests and would not hold a destination wedding again after a bridesmaid struggled to afford the trip.
Personal finance experts and industry commentators recommend clearer communication and planning to reduce stress and unplanned costs. Laura Suter, a personal finance expert, advised discussing budgets at the outset and setting realistic expectations for group activities. She recommended planning events that accommodate a range of budgets, limiting multiple matching outfits or daily costume changes, and being honest about affordability rather than acquiescing to pressure.
Some people planning milestone events said they are taking those lessons on board. Lucy, who is due to marry next year, said past experience has made her mindful of guests' costs. Charles, 27, said he and his best man are considering a low-cost stag that coincides with a major sporting event so friends can meet at a pub rather than pay for organised activities.
As large groups within the same age cohort move through engagement, marriage and parenthood, the cumulative cost of celebrating those life events is creating financial strain for some and social tension for others. Participants, organisers and advisers say upfront conversations, transparent budgets and consideration of guests' circumstances can help reduce the sense that attendance is mandatory rather than a choice.