Friends in their 20s and 30s are increasingly feeling compelled to spend hundreds or even more than £1,000 on hen and stag parties as celebrations have shifted from a night out to organised destination weekends, according to interviews with guests and recent industry research.
Several people who spoke to the BBC said they felt social pressure to attend and to match organisers’ plans, even when the costs were unaffordable. "You feel like you have to do it," said Hayley, 29, who said she spent more than £1,000 on a hen weekend in Marbella after flights, accommodation, club entry and souvenirs were added to the itinerary.
The rise in spending follows a broader change in how groups mark milestones such as engagements and weddings. What was once often a local night down the pub has become multi-day trips abroad, with organisers booking activities, matching outfits and group gifts. Research cited in reporting shows invitees to stag and hen parties spent an average of £779 per person in the UK and £1,208 abroad in a 2023 study by Aviva; a separate insurer’s study this year reported an average abroad of £1,664.
Interviews revealed how those headline figures play out in individual budgets. Anna, 29, said she told a cousin she could not afford the cost of a Spain hen weekend — roughly £300 each for flights and hotel before spending money — and faced what she described as passive-aggressive messages urging her to "just save £20 a month" or "ask your dad". Begrudgingly, she agreed to go; the trip was later cancelled because of Covid. She said she still hesitates to decline other invitations for fear of being labelled "the friend who can’t afford it."
Another guest, who asked to be called Jemima, said a recent hen weekend required contributions to a shared bar fund even though she does not drink. "The bills kept racking up and up," the 34-year-old said. Bridesmaid-led attempts to limit costs sometimes backfire: a group that chose cheaper hostel accommodation for an Ibiza hen found the lodgings poor and still spent around £1,000 per person once flights, club fees and local spending were included.
The financial ripple effect continues beyond pre-wedding events. Lucy, who attended a friend’s wedding in Switzerland, said the trip cost about £700 because of limited transport and accommodation options in a remote town. The couple later divorced, a reminder for some guests that the expense can feel particularly stark if the marriage does not last. Elle, who married in Cyprus in her early 30s, said she regretted the destination wedding after friends and family found it costly and one bridesmaid was too embarrassed to say she could not afford to come until late in the planning.
Younger groups are also clashing over practical issues such as bill-splitting and transport. Social-media content, particularly on TikTok, has amplified disputes ranging from who pays for taxis to arguments at meals over the cheque. Creators in the US and UK have chronicled how money conversations become a recurring source of tension as groups approach their 30s and friends collect multiple wedding invites in a short period.
Personal finance experts and some couples planning nuptials are adapting. Laura Suter, a personal finance commentator, said discussing budgets early and keeping group activities within a range that all guests can manage helps avoid awkwardness later on. She advised planning one shared accessory rather than multiple matching outfits and encouraged guests to be honest if they cannot afford a trip. Some couples are building accessibility into their events: Charles, 27, who is planning a wedding, said he and his best man are considering holding a stag do during the World Cup and centring it on pub gatherings and watching football to reduce activity costs.
Those advocating for cost-conscious planning say transparent conversations are key. Guests who spoke to the BBC said hosts who set clear expectations about budgets and invite-only activities helped reduce last-minute demands. Some suggested splitting the weekend into optional and mandatory elements so people could attend the core celebration without signing up for every add-on. Others said refusing invitations can damage friendships, but many friends say they would prefer honesty over financial pretense.
The trend comes as many people in their 20s and 30s face squeezed household budgets and rising living costs, particularly those on public-sector salaries or early in their careers. Jasmine, 28, who is engaged and attends multiple pre-wedding events, said an appropriate spend for a hen should be close to what a night out would cost — about £100 to £200 — rather than sums that require savings plans or loans.
As the wedding and events industry continues to market destination packages and curated experiences, organisers and guests face decisions about where to draw the line between celebration and affordability. For now, the combination of social expectation, curated itineraries and the economics of travel means many people continue to absorb high costs to avoid social friction and to be part of milestone moments in their friends’ lives.