Morgan Cope, an assistant professor of psychology at Centre College in Kentucky, has developed a five-step framework she calls the “breakup butterfly” to help people end romantic relationships with clarity and dignity. The script, described in a recent Time feature, is built from relationship theory and empirical research and is intended to make it easier for people to stand their ground rather than be coaxed back into a relationship.
Cope said the process begins before the conversation itself: give a partner a brief heads-up that you want to talk — "Hey, I’d like to talk. I’ve been thinking about some things" — and, if possible, make sure they have eaten, which can help regulate emotional responses. Preparing in advance, she added, also holds the initiator accountable so the conversation actually happens.
Cope’s first instruction is literal: say it out loud. Start the conversation by clearly stating that the relationship is over, using direct language such as, "I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore," or, "This relationship is no longer making me happy." The goal, she said, is clarity rather than blame; ambiguous language can lead to repeated rejections and confusion.
The second step is to acknowledge what the relationship meant. Cope recommends telling a partner, "You’ve made a real difference in my life," or, "Our relationship has meant a lot to me." She said acknowledgement matters even in shorter or more casual pairings because it prevents the other person from feeling minimized and ensures the initiator has spoken their truth.
The third step, which Cope calls "the clench," asks the speaker to name why they want to end the relationship. She told Time that this part of the conversation mirrors the physical sensation of discussing difficult feelings. Instead of assigning blame or offering insults, the speaker should explain reasons centered on their own experience: lack of time together, incompatible personalities, or differing visions for the future. Phrases she suggested include, "I’m not happy because..." or, "This is no longer working for me because..." The emphasis is on specificity about personal experience rather than cataloging perceived shortcomings of the other person.
After spelling out the details, the fourth step is to "zoom out." Cope said the initiator should pull both parties from the specifics into a higher-level resolution, making the decision explicit. Examples include, "So for these reasons, I’m ending our relationship," or, "As you can see, this isn’t working for me." The transition is intended to integrate the earlier points and prepare both people for the conclusion of the exchange.
The fifth and final step is to open the floor for the partner to respond, while making clear that the decision is made. Cope suggested invitations such as, "Now that you know how I feel, I’d like to hear what you’re thinking," or, "I’m open to talking through your reaction—just know that I’ve made up my mind." She cautioned that this step should be skipped if the dynamic is unsafe or the partner is losing control. In some conversations, she added, the five steps may cycle rather than proceed linearly; people sometimes need to hear the core message more than once.
Cope also offered guidance on how to end the meeting depending on the desired future contact. If both parties appear able to process the news and maintain civility, the initiator could propose meeting again in a few days to talk. If continued contact is not desirable, she said the speaker may close with a brief, firm statement such as, "I’ve said everything I can say, and I don’t have much more to communicate. I’m going to have to go," and then leave.
The framework responds to a common difficulty Cope said she experienced in her early 20s: severe anxiety that made it physically impossible to initiate a breakup conversation. Her goal, she told Time, is to give people a structured, compassionate script that reduces the emotional load of starting and finishing the exchange. She encouraged practice — rehearsing opening lines to friends, pets or a mirror — to build confidence before the conversation.
Cope emphasized the balance the script seeks: the initiator is not responsible for another person’s reaction, but is responsible for crafting the breakup narrative in a way that is dignified for both parties. The five-step approach aims to minimize ambiguity, center personal experience over accusation, and offer an opportunity for the partner to respond when appropriate. The piece appears as part of Time’s coverage of relationships and interpersonal well-being.