A man writing under the pseudonym 'Three's a Crowd' has sought advice from columnist Jane Green regarding his struggles with his girlfriend's polyamorous relationship. He shared that after dating for a few months, his girlfriend revealed she was polyamorous and comfortable dating multiple people simultaneously, explaining it was not a reflection on him but rather her inability to be monogamous.
Initially hesitant due to potential jealousy, the man agreed to the arrangement, hoping to become the sole focus of her affection. He described showering her with gifts and attempting to build their relationship, believing she was falling in love with him as he was with her. However, his perspective shifted when he encountered his girlfriend at a bar with another boyfriend, an experience that ignited intense jealousy and made him question her feelings for him.
The jealousy began to affect their intimacy, becoming a significant turn-off. Despite acknowledging he agreed to the polyamorous dynamic, he finds himself unable to cope with the reality and is deeply saddened by the prospect of ending the relationship.
Jane Green advised 'Three's a Crowd' that he may have subconsciously hoped he would be special and that she would eventually choose him exclusively. She emphasized that people cannot be changed and that trying to be someone else or accept unacceptable situations is not conducive to a healthy relationship. Green's counsel was to be open and honest with his girlfriend, stating that he thought he could handle polyamory but now realizes he is not suited for it. She suggested that this honesty would allow her to make a choice, either to explore monogamy or continue her polyamorous lifestyle. Green concluded that if he desires a monogamous relationship, he should wait for someone who shares that same desire.