Lottie Tomlinson has spoken candidly about the profound grief of losing her mother and how her brother, Louis Tomlinson, assumed a fatherly role in her life. The influencer shared these emotional reflections during an appearance on the "Feel Good Formula" podcast with Zara McDermott, Louis's girlfriend.
Tomlinson, 28, was 18 when her mother, Johannah Deakin, died from leukemia in 2016. Tragically, her younger sister, Félicité, died three years later from an accidental drug overdose. Now a mother of two, with son Lucky, four, and daughter Flossie, 22 months, Tomlinson discussed the challenges of parenting without her mother's guidance.
"It's really hard having your own kids without your mum," Tomlinson said on the podcast, becoming emotional. "I think my sisters have been a big one, we've all sort of come together and tried to look after each other and it makes me feel closer to her in a way because obviously I know how much being a mum meant to her."
She described feeling the pressure to remain strong for others while struggling with her own grief. "You're sort of bottom of the pile," she explained. "That's how it sort of feels... I'm trying my best just to be strong, hold it together all the time. And then when someone actually says it, I'm like, 'Actually, it is really hard.'"
Tomlinson admitted to experiencing guilt on days when she felt happy, and conversely, dwelling on low points. "Looking back, it would've been nice for me to be more gentler in them times, and just, ride the waves. That's the thing. You've just gotta ride the wave and try and make the best of it and embrace everything."
She also reflected on her mother's dedication as a parent to her seven children, noting the significant effort involved. "She was just such a full-time mum to all these kids. Don't forget how many. I mean of course, doing it with two is hard. I'm like trying to think, can I manage a third? She had seven."
Tomlinson recalled how her mother’s passion for makeup influenced her own career. At 15, her mother encouraged her to gain experience by joining One Direction's tour as an assistant to hair stylist Lou Teasdale.
It was during this tour that Louis began to take on a paternal role. "He sort of stepped into a real fatherly role on that tour, and he didn't let me get away with anything," Tomlinson said. "Like, if I put a foot wrong, he would tell me, and I appreciate that now, maybe not at the time but he basically brought me up over those few years 'cause he was the only family I had with me."
She expressed gratitude for the strong bond that developed between them as a result. "We're so close now, and I think it is because of those few years," she added. "Me being there with him, I think in the end he liked having me there for the support. And he was sort of fathering me a bit, but I was almost mothering him a bit as well. So I would pull him up on stuff if he was acting a certain way and it sort of worked both ways, which was nice."