Hayden Panettiere, who died Sunday at age 36, described the decision to give up custody of her daughter, Kaya, to ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko as a "nightmare." Panettiere gave birth to Kaya in December 2014, over a year after she and Klitschko, who is 13 years her senior, became engaged. Shortly after Kaya's birth, Panettiere began battling severe postpartum depression and addiction, leading her to grant Klitschko full custody of their daughter in 2018.
In her memoir, "This Is Me: A Reckoning," Panettiere wrote about the pain of the custody decision, stating, "I remember every second of that day. Every f—ing second. No mother could forget a single thing about the day she signed her child away." She explained that the legal battle would have been psychologically devastating at a time when she felt her "heart and soul were weaker than they’d ever been."
Panettiere also addressed misconceptions about her relationship with Kaya, particularly the idea that she would willingly give up her child. "The idea that anybody would think that I would just give away my child and be okay with it is heartbreaking," she said on Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose” podcast in May, prior to her death. "Couldn’t be farther from the truth."
She recalled nearly dying from hemorrhaging during her C-section, saying she prayed to hear her daughter cry and knew she would sacrifice herself for Kaya's well-being. "I wasn’t afraid at all," she stated.
Panettiere received her postpartum depression diagnosis four months after Kaya's birth. She first spoke publicly about her postpartum struggles in 2015, emphasizing that it's a condition many women experience and that it doesn't necessarily involve negative feelings towards the child, but rather a broad spectrum of experiences. "It’s something that needs to be talked about. Women need to know that they’re not alone, and that it does heal," she said at the time.
Following her diagnosis, Panettiere sought help at a treatment facility, which led to a brief hiatus from her role on "Nashville." She wrote in her memoir that alcohol became a coping mechanism, but it exacerbated her struggles. "I needed a drink to function—at 6:00 a.m.—and that was f—ed," she recalled. "If I didn’t get some help as soon as possible, I was f—ed."
By the time Panettiere felt she had recovered, Kaya had adapted to life in Europe with Klitschko. Panettiere felt it would be unfair and selfish to disrupt her daughter's established life. "I felt like it would have been unfair of me to, and selfish of me to try to pull her out of this life that she had been [creating], this life that she had been living," she explained.
Despite the distance, Panettiere maintained a close bond with Kaya, speaking to her regularly and on FaceTime. On Shetty's podcast, she described Kaya as an "incredible little girl" who speaks five languages and knows she is loved by both parents. In her final interview with Momé magazine, Panettiere called Kaya her "mini me" and expressed pride in the young woman she was becoming, stating, "I talk to her all the time, and I feel so connected to her."
Panettiere expressed hope for a stronger relationship with Kaya as an adult, believing they would have an "incredible relationship and bond and friendship" when Kaya was able to make her own decisions. The actress also shared that she and Kaya had an "incredible" relationship despite the geographical separation.