Gwyneth Paltrow said she continues to experience "excruciating" pain from the death of her father more than 20 years after he died, writing in a Goop newsletter that the weight of the loss still returns as her birthday and the anniversary of his death approach.
Paltrow said her father, producer and director Bruce Paltrow, died on Oct. 3, 2002 — six days after her 30th birthday — following a battle with cancer. She recalled that they were on a road trip in Italy that began in Tuscany and was meant to end in Portofino, but he was airlifted from Lucca to intensive care in Rome on Oct. 2 and died early the next morning.
Paltrow wrote that grief after that day was "a new kind of anguish — astonishingly acute — and it would last for years." She described the pain as "so heavy, so inescapable" that she once wondered whether it would ever relent, and said that over time the grief "changed" rather than disappeared.
"Eventually it did — or rather, it changed. It became more abstract," she wrote. Paltrow said that becoming a parent and making "more self-affirming choices" softened the "lost-child part of the grief," and that the experience became integrated into her life story "as if it had been written into my DNA." Still, she acknowledged a recurring sense of dread and a "subtle compression of the heart" in the weeks leading up to her birthday and the anniversary of her father's death.
Where she once tried to distract herself, Paltrow said she now tries to experience the feelings fully. "I used to try to push it away, to distract myself, to think of other things. Now I let it in. I move through the events, if I need to, I replay them all and allow myself to feel it all. It is not comfortable — it can be excruciating," she wrote. She added that she has learned "that what you resist, persists" and that by opening her heart to memories and pain she is sometimes "fortified by them."
Paltrow's reflection on grief coincided in reporting with news about her elder daughter, Apple Martin, who has taken a step into modeling. The 21-year-old, whose father is Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, was unveiled as the face of a collaboration with London-based fashion house self-portrait in a campaign posted on the brand's Instagram account.
In a casual selfie video accompanying the announcement, Apple Martin introduced herself as "Miss Apple Blythe Alison Martin" and said she was "so excited to be the new Miss self-portrait and for the campaign to come out." The brand, founded by Han Chong in 2013, welcomed her to the label on Instagram. Self-portrait has previously worked with a number of high-profile models and celebrities.
In an Interview magazine profile, Apple Martin discussed growing up in the public eye and said the scrutiny contributed to anxiety about making mistakes. She said the experience of being photographed at airports and otherwise observed felt like an "uneven balance" and likened it to living with a surveillance state. She said she was discouraged from pursuing public life for a time and worried about becoming "another celebrity child," but that she is trying to do what feels right and to "block out anything regarding me in the news to the best of my ability." On learning to tolerate scrutiny, she said she is getting better at being like, "F*** it," and wants to focus on doing what seems fun and figuring out her life.
Paltrow has periodically written and spoken about grief and personal experiences through the lifestyle platform Goop, which she founded. Her recent newsletter entry adds to a long-running public conversation about how public figures cope with loss and how personal disclosures intersect with family members' career moves, including those of children who enter public or creative fields.
The accounts from both mother and daughter were personal reflections shared in media and social posts; neither piece suggested new medical information or legal developments. Paltrow did not disclose private medical details beyond the timing and circumstances of her father's hospitalization and death, and Apple Martin framed her comments as personal impressions about growing up under public scrutiny and stepping into modeling.