A new dating trend dubbed “Shrekking” is spreading across TikTok, Instagram and X as some members of Gen Z say they are deliberately choosing less conventionally attractive partners in order to prioritise kindness, communication and emotional safety. While some participants and commentators describe it as a pragmatic approach to relationships, critics call the practice toxic and warn it can create power imbalances and heartbreak.
The term, inspired by the 2001 animated film Shrek, refers to “dating down” — selecting someone perceived as less attractive — with the stated aim of focusing on personality rather than looks. London-based content creator Sip Of Comfort described Shrekking on TikTok as “dating someone who is less attractive, or intentionally finding someone who is less attractive simply to get the attention that you think you need in a relationship.” Other creators have framed it as a two-way street, with both those who choose partners and those chosen by them sharing perspectives online.
Voices on social media and in online videos have offered starkly different assessments. A British influencer labelled the practice “a horrible new trend in dating,” warning that lowering standards to someone “that looks like Shrek” can be traumatic. Florida-based creator thatmoderndadlife posted a video in which a man described Shrekking as “a trap,” arguing that choosing a partner under the belief they will be loyal because they are seen as less desirable often breeds resentment and abandonment. In that clip, he warned, “You show up with nothing to lose thinking they'll never leave you but... they do,” and urged viewers to “demand better.”
Licensed therapist Rachel Maldonado in Chicago said Shrekking taps into established dating calculations. Writing on X, she summarised the concept bluntly: “You’re hot... they are not. So they better treat you nice!” Maldonado said that while the term is new, the behaviour is “as old as the hills,” noting that people routinely assess potential partners on a mix of attraction, resources and emotional return. She said pragmatism often drives relationship choices, but urged a deeper look at motivations beyond surface-level trade-offs.
Supporters of Shrekking argue it can lead to healthier, more emotionally available relationships. Some men have posted appreciative messages, saying their partners “Shrekked” them and that the relationships have been positive. Those posts highlight how participants on both sides of the trend interpret the practice differently — as either a route to genuine connection or as a transactional manoeuvre that reduces partners to appearance and status.
Critics warn the trend risks reinforcing unhealthy dynamics. Commenters on X and TikTok have argued that deliberately creating a power imbalance by dating someone perceived as less attractive can erode mutual respect and convert safety into control. Mental health professionals who have weighed in say controlling a partner or accepting diminished self-worth to secure perceived security rarely builds the stable attachment people seek.
The Shrekking conversation reflects broader shifts in how dating is negotiated online. Social platforms accelerate the spread of terminology and invite public judgment, turning private relationship strategies into viral content. The trend’s proponents and detractors agree on one point: it has become part of a larger debate about what qualities should be prioritised in romantic partnerships and how social media influences those choices.
As the debate continues to play out on social media, some commentators urge caution. They recommend that people examine their reasons for choosing a partner, whether motivated by fear of abandonment, a desire for politeness, or a genuine assessment of compatibility. Others say the trend may simply be a new label for long-standing dating behaviour that generations before Gen Z practised in different terms.
The discussion over Shrekking is likely to persist on the platforms where it emerged, with further stories and personal accounts shaping public opinion about whether the trend represents emotional maturity, pragmatic romance or an unhealthy concession.