Dear Abby offered practical advice to two readers this week, telling one to review estate plans and consult a financial professional before shifting more retirement money into a joint household account, and advising another with celiac disease to call a rural bakery in advance or bring safe food to a family celebration.
In the first letter, a reader who identified herself as “Working Gal in Washington” said she has been married 19 years to her second husband, who she named as “Jack.” She wrote that the couple keeps separate bank accounts in addition to a household account to which they both contribute equally. The reader said she has always insured Jack on her health plans and acted as his medical advocate while he has managed a number of certificates of deposit and other funds that are not commingled with her accounts. She also said she still works full time and recently began receiving Social Security, which she is banking for her own retirement because she does not expect to rely on Jack’s assets.
According to the letter, Jack has begun asking the reader to contribute a larger portion of her salary to the household account after noticing her increased income. The reader said she performs most household and yard chores because Jack’s health has limited his strength and mobility and she does not believe his expectation is fair.
Abigail Van Buren, the pen name used by Jeanne Phillips, advised the reader to get clarity on the couple’s estate plans and to consult her financial adviser before adding retirement money to the household account. "The way you have described it, your marriage seems more like a business relationship than a partnership," Phillips wrote, urging the reader to learn whether she is included in Jack’s estate plans and to consider potential future needs before reallocating funds.
In a second column item, a reader who identified herself as “Restricted in Ohio” wrote that she has celiac disease and had been invited to a celebration for a niece who recently earned a doctorate. The event will be catered by a small bakery in a rural community and the reader said an online menu was not available. She noted another niece in the family also has celiac disease and asked whether she should raise the issue with the bakery or bring her own food for the four-hour round trip.
Phillips advised the reader to telephone the bakery and explain the dietary needs rather than assume an online absence meant no accommodations. Phillips quoted scripture, writing "Seek and ye shall find," and suggested the bakery might be able to provide alternatives beyond the baked potato the reader was told would be available. If the bakery cannot accommodate gluten-free needs, Phillips recommended bringing food that can be eaten near the end of the drive rather than suffer in silence.
Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips and was founded by Pauline Phillips. Readers may contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.