A syndicated Dear Abby column this week advised a man who says he feels like a third wheel to his long-distance boyfriend and a married female boss to consider ending the relationship, and it warned another reader to alert a caretaker after a dog with a biting history was rehomed to a family with small children.
In the first letter, the reader — who said he and his boyfriend have been together for a year — described the boyfriend’s 20-year friendship with a married woman who is also his boss. The writer said the woman, whom he called a tobacco-addicted narcissist who drinks heavily, speaks and texts with his boyfriend for hours every day. The couple sees each other in person only every other week for a day and a half, and the reader said the woman’s closeness makes him feel like a “third wheel.” He said his boyfriend defends the friend and has been unwilling to discuss the issue.
Dear Abby, written by Jeanne Phillips under the byline Abigail Van Buren, responded that the boyfriend’s relationship with the woman predates the romance by 19 years and said, "If he was concerned about your feelings or in talking about their relationship, he would make some changes." Phillips advised the reader to “find another boyfriend who shows more consideration.” The column did not elaborate on specific steps the reader should take before ending the relationship.
A separate letter in the same column recounted an incident in which a rescue dog named Butch bit a housekeeper on the calf while the letter writer and her dog were present. The writer said she informed her then-partner about the bite but that he later rehomed Butch to his niece, who has two small children, without disclosing the biting incident and falsely told family members that the writer’s dog was responsible.
Phillips advised the writer to contact the niece immediately and warn her that the dog could pose a danger to the children. She suggested offering the housekeeper as someone who could attest to the truth if the niece doubted the account. Phillips wrote that the dog ‘‘does not belong in a household with children,’’ urging readers to prioritize safety when rehoming animals with known histories of aggression.
Dear Abby, founded by Pauline Phillips and continued by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, remains a widely syndicated advice column that receives and responds to readers’ personal questions on relationships, family matters and other social dilemmas. The column frequently addresses issues of boundaries in friendships and workplaces as well as practical concerns such as pet safety and disclosure when rehoming animals.
Readers who wish to contact Dear Abby can do so via the column’s website at www.DearAbby.com or by mail to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.