A reader who dreads overnight stays at her parents' vacation home because the guest-room sofa bed "kills" her back was told bluntly by Dear Abby to stop making excuses and tell her parents the truth.
In a recent column, syndicated advice columnist Jeanne Phillips — who writes under the Dear Abby byline — responded to three letters about family and social friction. The first came from a woman who travels by plane to visit her father and stepmother each year but said she could not sleep on the guest-room sofa bed and felt the discomfort made the visits miserable. The daughter reported that the parents believe the sofa bed is fine because other guests have complimented it; she suspected that complimenting guests were merely being polite.
Phillips advised the correspondent to stop "waffling" and be honest, noting that telling the parents the bed is uncomfortable is not rude. She suggested the parents could replace the mattress or that the family could contribute to the cost if needed.
Two other readers received guidance on distinct but related interpersonal dilemmas. One writer said her parent had more children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren over the years, producing loose extended-family ties; she said distant relatives sometimes expected gifts and invitations to events even though the families had little contact and offered no thanks when gifts arrived. Phillips said recipients of such invitations are under no obligation to attend or to send gifts and that a simple card with well wishes is an appropriate alternative for those who feel generous.
The third correspondent described monthly lunches and card games with three longtime acquaintances who also maintained closer contact with each other and excluded her from some communications. She said the exclusion was often concealed and left her feeling hurt. Phillips told her the trio may feel more in common with each other and that their secrecy could be an effort to avoid causing hurt. She encouraged the reader to cultivate additional friendships and activities while continuing to enjoy the existing get-togethers where possible.
The advice aligns with long-standing etiquette guidance that emphasizes direct but polite communication about personal needs and the acceptance that relationships with extended family and longtime acquaintances can change over time. Dear Abby, created by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips under the Abigail Van Buren byline, is a nationally syndicated advice column that frequently addresses family dynamics, manners and interpersonal conflict.
Readers who seek similar guidance are typically encouraged to approach conversations with clarity and tact, and to set personal boundaries — principles reflected across the three replies. The column did not report whether any of the letter writers followed the advice or how the suggested conversations played out afterward.