Two readers turned to the Dear Abby advice column for help with emotionally charged personal situations: one about an aging mother who seems to be pulling away from her family, the other about a roommate who turns abusive when he drinks. The column, authored by Abigail Van Buren and widely read in newspapers and online, remains a cultural touchstone for practical guidance on relationships, aging, and personal safety. A New York Post summary of a Sept. 19, 2025 piece outlines the letters and the columnist’s responses.
In the first letter, a daughter describes her mother, who is in her early 80s and has begun avoiding visits. The family previously gathered at the mother’s home, and the mother even hosted a visit after a fall last year. The daughter says her siblings have noticed that the mother has been “over them” for a while, and phone conversations have grown shorter. The daughter and her siblings live more than five hours away since she moved out after high school, but she always called regularly; if she didn’t call, mom would ring to check in. Recently, when she asks about the daughter and her family, the mother ends the call quickly, and the daughter worries about whether this is normal aging, a hidden issue, or something more troubling. She asks if she should be worried or if the change in behavior warrants stepping back as the mother ages. She adds that her mother is a great mom and they all love her, but a direct conversation is uncomfortable in their family dynamic. [Image inserted after this paragraph for context.]
Abby’s guidance to the first letter urged family members to visit together and tell mom they are worried about a change in her behavior, since it is out of character. The columnist suggested asking direct questions about whether she is hiding something or simply dealing with aging, then listening to her response. She highlights that any extreme change in behavior in an older person can be a symptom of illness and should be checked out. The goal is to approach with care, avoid confrontation, and encourage a medical evaluation if warranted. The guidance emphasizes that listening, rather than accusing, can open a line of communication and help determine whether medical or social factors are at play.
In the second scenario, a reader from California describes moving in with two friends last year. While the roommate is sometimes a decent person when sober, he drinks and becomes verbally abusive toward the writer and her boyfriend. The situation escalated to physical violence once, when the roommate hit the writer in the face and left a black eye. The writer cares about him and notes he can be generous and helpful when sober, but she is unsure how much longer she can endure living with him. She asks whether to leave and whether cutting off the friendship is the right move, or if there is a way to help him while staying balanced in her own life.
Abby’s reply to the second letter advised addressing the problem when the roommate is sober, telling him that while his personality is appealing when he is not drinking, the person he becomes when he drinks is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated. The columnist suggested that the writer propose that he seek treatment, pointing to meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous or SMART Recovery. Abby warned that the discussion may trigger defensiveness, as is common with addicts, and stressed that while one cannot fix a friend with a substance use problem, personal safety and well-being must come first. She encouraged the writer to consider a safe living arrangement if the situation cannot be resolved, underscoring that leaving does not mean abandoning the friend, but prioritizing self-care and boundaries.
Dear Abby’s counsel on these two letters highlights a practical, real-world approach to difficult family dynamics and safety concerns. The elder-care scenario focuses on proactive communication, health monitoring, and collective family action, especially when distance complicates regular contact. The guidance underlines that unusual behavior in aging relatives is not something to shrug off, even when it could be a normal part of aging. It calls for a careful balance of concern and respect for autonomy, with a readiness to seek professional assessment if changes in mood, appetite, energy, or routine occur.
The roommate scenario reflects a different dimension of personal safety—creating clear boundaries, recognizing that substance use can drive threatening behavior, and acknowledging that the best path may be to remove oneself from the immediate risk while encouraging the person to pursue treatment. Abby’s approach in this case emphasizes that there is a line between compassion and self-preservation, and that seeking support from addiction resources is a constructive step rather than a punitive one.
The Dear Abby column, authored by Abigail Van Buren (the pen name of Pauline Phillips) and continued by Jeanne Phillips, has long served as a cultural touchstone for navigating intimate relationships, family obligations, and personal safety. The latest coverage in outlets such as the New York Post situates the column within a broader conversation about aging in America, caregiving pressures, and the social challenges that accompany substance use disorders. While the letters reflect private, contained stories, the responses illustrate a public, pragmatic framework for handling sensitive issues with empathy and practical steps.
For readers, the examples offer a blueprint for family conversations that can be difficult to initiate—how to express concern without blame, how to set boundaries with a difficult roommate, and how to connect people with the help they may need. They also remind audiences that aging and alcohol-related issues are not isolated personal failings but universal human challenges that benefit from thoughtful, guided support.
In a media landscape that often treats advice columns as light entertainment, Dear Abby remains a functional resource for readers seeking concrete actions, reassurance, and a compassionate nudge toward safety and health. The column’s approach—focusing on concrete steps, emphasizing listening, and acknowledging the complexity of families and friendships—continues to resonate with an audience that values practical guidance grounded in everyday experience.