For many Americans, traditional prayer may feel increasingly distant. A 2020 Gallup survey indicated that less than half of the U.S. population belongs to a religious institution, and a 2025 Pew Research Center poll suggests that only 30 percent of young adults pray daily. This shift raises questions about how individuals can find spiritual or psychological well-being without traditional religious practices.
Research from the 1990s by Dr. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist and founder of the Institute for Mind Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital, explored the efficacy of prayer. While his studies found no positive impact on the recovery of those being prayed for, they did indicate a positive effect on the person performing the prayer. This suggests that the act of prayer, regardless of belief in a deity, can offer benefits.
Casper ter Kuile, author of "The Power of Ritual," suggests that prayer can be understood as "primary speech," a fundamental way of expressing one's true self with honesty. This can involve articulating a range of human experiences, from longing and love to anger and fear. He notes that sacred texts like the Psalms contain examples of raw, unfiltered human emotion directed towards the divine. Ter Kuile finds personal benefit in journaling, particularly in low-light conditions, to access a deeper level of honesty.
For those who struggle with speaking aloud or feel discomfort with traditional prayer, alternative approaches exist. Rev. Alba Onofrio, a queer feminist pastor, advises starting with words one already knows, such as song lyrics or favorite quotes. This can help "get the prayer juices flowing" and foster a sense of connection, even if the intended recipient is imagined, such as a deceased loved one or a supportive mentor.
The Rev. Micah Bucey, author of "The Book of Tiny Prayer," offers a framework that emphasizes attention, intention, time, and quiet, rather than a listening entity. His practice involves paying attention to one's body and the news, and then setting an intention for the day using a three-step process: Naming the issue, reflecting on personal actions ("going in"), and considering collective action ("going out"). Bucey highlights that the "naming" step—acknowledging one's feelings of hurt, anger, or sadness—can unlock deeper insights.
Beyond prayer, the concept of "boundaries" in interpersonal relationships is also being re-examined. Sigal Samuel, in her "Your Mileage May Vary" column, questions the popular notion of boundaries as strict limits that define separation between individuals. She proposes that an alternative framework, inspired by the Buddhist metaphor of Indra's net, can be more helpful. In this metaphor, each jewel in an infinite net reflects all other jewels, illustrating profound interconnection and interdependence. This perspective suggests that self-care is not merely instrumental for future helping, but a fundamental aspect of one's own intrinsic worth and a contribution to the well-being of the whole.
Samuel argues that seeing oneself as a "jewel" in this net means recognizing that one's own well-being is inherently precious. Neglecting oneself not only affects one's own capacity but also "smudges" the reflection for others. This challenges the idea of a "moral saint" who sacrifices all personal projects and pleasures for the sake of others, proposing instead that accepting life's gifts and savoring experiences are vital aspects of a well-lived life. When caring for others leads to fear and resentment, it may indicate an overextension that tarnishes one's own "jewel." The goal, she suggests, is to maintain a horizontal relationship with others, offering support without damaging one's own well-being and thereby "ripping" one's part of the net.