A growing number of young women are grappling with compulsive online pornography use, a phenomenon that can lead to exhaustion, shame, and difficulties with intimacy. Arleny Abreu Quintero, a 19-year-old from New York, has spoken out about her personal experience, detailing how her engagement with explicit content, which began at age 13, escalated into an obsession that significantly impacted her life.
Quintero described how, in her early teens, she would spend hours online consuming pornography, often staying up until dawn. This habit led to exhaustion and a struggle to concentrate in school. The content, she explained, altered her perception of reality and led to unwanted, sexualized thoughts about people in her life, causing her deep shame. The issue intensified during the COVID-19 pandemic, when lockdown restrictions left her isolated and with more time to engage with pornography.
By the time her school reopened in September 2020, Quintero recognized the extent to which her habit had taken over. She felt guilty and disgusted by her behavior but was too ashamed to confide in anyone. At 16, she resolved to change.
Compounding her struggles, Quintero found intimacy difficult when she began her first relationship. Years of desensitization through pornography consumption made real-life sexual experiences less satisfying. Experts note that compulsive pornography use can profoundly affect well-being and relationships. While not everyone who watches pornography develops a disorder, the term compulsive sexual behavior disorder (CSBD) is used when sexual urges or behaviors become difficult to control and interfere with daily life.
Warning signs of CSBD can include spending excessive time consuming sexual material, repeatedly failing to cut back, and continuing the behavior despite negative consequences to relationships, school, work, or health. Sufferers may experience reduced satisfaction in sexual activity, and attempts to stop can lead to restlessness or irritability. Chronic sleep deprivation is another potential consequence, as seen in Quintero's case, leading to exhaustion and concentration problems. Compulsive sexual behavior is also associated with increased rates of anxiety and depression, though researchers caution that the causal relationship is complex, as individuals experiencing mental health issues may turn to pornography as an escape.
Quintero eventually managed to reduce her pornography use, which subsequently made intimacy less stressful and more enjoyable. She is now in a relationship that allows for a deeper connection.
Arleny Abreu Quintero's experience reflects a broader trend. Research indicates that problematic pornography use has increased among adolescent girls, although the rise is noted to be small. While men continue to be more likely to consume pornography, its use among women is not uncommon. One US study found that approximately one in five women watched pornography at least once a month prior to the pandemic.
Experts emphasize that the key indicator of a disorder is not necessarily the frequency of viewing but the inability to control the behavior and its interference with crucial areas of life. The Mayo Clinic recommends seeking professional help if sexual urges or behaviors feel out of control, especially if attempts to stop have failed or are causing harm. Treatment typically involves talk therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to help individuals identify triggers and develop coping strategies. Practical measures like website blockers and addressing underlying issues such as boredom, stress, loneliness, anxiety, or depression can also be beneficial. In some cases, medication may be prescribed alongside therapy, though there is no specific drug approved for compulsive pornography use. Professional guidance is advised if attempts to quit are unsuccessful, consumption becomes more frequent or extreme, or it negatively impacts school, work, sleep, or relationships.