Natalie Altman, 27, has described a childhood dominated by rituals performed to ward off perceived bad omens and prevent the death of loved ones. Her Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which has a central theme of death and health anxiety, led her to spend an hour each night touching items in her room that she associated with negative outcomes. She also repeatedly shut her curtains, believing that if she thought of someone while doing so, they might die by suicide.
Her compulsions extended to everyday actions. Altman recounted having to smile or pout evenly on both sides of a mirror, fearing a stroke on one side of her face if she did not. As an adult, her health anxiety became so severe that she made multiple hospital visits, convinced she was suffering from incurable diseases. Even after doctors found no medical cause, she would seek second opinions.
The Cycle of Intrusive Thoughts
Altman explained that health anxiety is a subtype of OCD characterized by a persistent loop of 'what if' scenarios driven by a fear of uncertainty and intrusive thoughts. Compulsively checking for signs of illness and seeking reassurance are common symptoms. At age nine, she found herself drawn to newspaper articles about illnesses, imagining herself experiencing the symptoms. By 15, she became convinced she had throat cancer due to a persistent feeling in her mouth, a diagnosis later refuted by doctors.
She later developed a fear of pleurisy after looking it up online. These persistent health fears eventually led to a referral for therapy for suspected OCD. Her journey involved 11 therapists, two psychiatrists, hypnosis, and schema therapy. One therapist suggested her anxiety levels would make it impossible to maintain a relationship, a prediction that initially resonated with Altman due to her lack of romantic partners.
Finding Support and Managing OCD
Despite this, she met her fiancé, Aaron, who proactively attended therapy sessions to better understand her condition. Altman described how she still asks her fiancé if he worries about her or others dying, a concept he finds perplexing. Therapy sessions for Aaron focused on explaining the nature of OCD and providing strategies for managing her obsessions.
Altman noted that while she had a happy childhood and remains close to her parents, her OCD manifested in rituals like making her parents promise they wouldn't die or that burglaries wouldn't occur. She would watch her sister sleep to ensure she was breathing and message acquaintances late at night to confirm they were awake. She also developed depression by the end of school, a common comorbidity with OCD, as her thoughts fixated on mortality.
Seeking Help and Medication
During university, her depression worsened, leading to fears of developing schizophrenia. Despite her close relationship with her parents, she hesitated to reveal the extent of her depression. Long waiting lists for NHS mental health support exacerbated the situation. A concerned friend eventually intervened, alerting her parents, which led to an intervention and the arrangement of therapy and a prescription for antidepressants.
Coupled with schema therapy, the medication provided significant relief. However, when she attempted to discontinue her medication during a stable period, she realized it was also helping manage her OCD. A subsequent sensation in her eye triggered a severe health anxiety episode, leading her to believe she was having a brain aneurysm. Despite multiple medical evaluations and scans confirming she was healthy, she struggled to believe the results. This led to further urgent referrals, and she was eventually put back on medication.
Altman now utilizes Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to manage her OCD, although it still surfaces. Her rituals include checking on her fiancé, parents, and sister's online status, and performing specific actions before sleep, such as touching her engagement ring and flashing lights at a calendar. Sharing her experience on platforms like TikTok has helped her find a community and raise awareness about the nuances of OCD. She highlighted that phrases like "you're so OCD" often trivialize the condition, which involves intrusive thoughts and a profound fear that is often misunderstood. Despite the challenges, Altman finds a silver lining in her condition, expressing gratitude and love for her family more frequently and feeling more empathetic due to her experiences. She has learned to "thrive" with OCD, accepting it as a lifelong condition but one that does not prevent her from living a fulfilling life. 
