A woman who gained 70 pounds during a tumultuous 12-year marriage found that addressing the underlying trauma and its effect on her stress hormone levels, rather than focusing on diet or weight-loss drugs, was the key to her recovery. Caroline, now 53, recounted her experience, detailing how the prolonged stress of an abusive relationship with a man with narcissistic tendencies led to significant physical and emotional distress, including weight gain and various health issues.
During the marriage, Caroline described a cycle of emotional distress, anxiety, and self-loathing that contributed to her weight gain. Her ex-husband's gaslighting, infidelity, and financial mismanagement, which resulted in the repossession of their home and significant debt, left her feeling trapped and worthless. This prolonged period of stress kept her body in a constant state of fight or flight, elevating cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress, which in turn drove cravings for high-calorie foods and made it difficult to shed weight.
"The reason I couldn’t shift the 70lbs I’d gained during our unhappy marriage, no matter how much I dieted and exercised? I was still carrying the pain and panic of those years," Caroline stated. She explained that only by unpacking the trauma and understanding the role of cortisol could she begin to address the weight gain.
Following her divorce in 2010, Caroline faced significant challenges, including homelessness and living on welfare programs. She endured post-traumatic stress disorder, irritable bowel syndrome, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, a heart condition, anxiety, and depression. Her ex-husband left her with approximately $95,000 in debt, and their shared home was repossessed.
Slowly, Caroline began to rebuild her life. She worked as a podiatrist, started a healthcare product business, and eventually retrained as a therapist. In 2024, she founded the Mental Wellbeing Company and launched a podcast called "No Visible Bruises," which has garnered over six million downloads, and published a best-selling book, "How to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse."
Despite her professional successes, Caroline continued to struggle with her weight. She realized that exercise, which should have been beneficial, instead triggered more cortisol release due to her dysregulated nervous system. Working with a nutritionist, she learned about the connection between trauma and weight gain, understanding that her body's survival mode, even years after the threat had passed, was impacting her metabolism.
Caroline adopted a "fat adaptation" diet principles, drastically reducing calories for short periods to encourage her body to burn fat reserves. This involved increasing healthy fats and protein while reducing carbohydrates. She described days with as few as 600 calories, focusing on nutrient-dense foods like chicken, avocado, salmon, and vegetables. She noted that her metabolism initially caused her to gain weight as it stabilized.
"My research led me to what is known as a fat ‘adaptation’ diet, whereby you reduce your calories drastically for a few weeks at a time, which teaches your body to burn calories from your fat reserves rather than the food you are eating," she explained. "I would advise anyone contemplating this to get professional, medical support."
After persevering with this approach, Caroline achieved her goal weight, returning to the 147 pounds she weighed on her wedding day. She reported that her previous health conditions, including IBS, have resolved. She now maintains a healthy diet of around 1,800 calories per day and has found peace, holding no anger towards her ex-husband, as she can now explain the abuse she endured.