A woman has detailed her journey of losing five stone and regaining her health after realizing that the lingering effects of trauma from an abusive marriage were the primary cause of her weight gain. Caroline, 53, who now weighs 10.5 stone, the same as on her wedding day, explained that the constant stress and anxiety from her 12-year marriage kept her body in a perpetual state of "fight or flight," leading to significant weight retention.
The Impact of Trauma and Cortisol
Caroline described waking up during her marriage to find evidence of late-night snacking, such as family-size crisp bags and wine bottles, reflecting her emotional state. She struggled with self-loathing and anxiety, stemming from the aftermath of her marriage, which included her ex-husband's infidelity, gaslighting, and leaving her homeless with substantial debts. She explained that the weight she gained during the unhappy marriage persisted because she was still carrying the emotional pain and panic, which kept her cortisol levels, the stress hormone, elevated.
"The link between cortisol and weight gain and retention is well-documented," she stated. "Your body thinks you’re under threat and needs all the energy it can get to protect itself, making you constantly hungry and craving high-calorie foods."
The Abusive Marriage and its Aftermath
Caroline met her first husband in the late 1990s, and while initially showered with attention, his behavior escalated after the birth of their son. She described mood swings, constant criticism, and a growing sense of self-blame. The marriage further deteriorated when she discovered his infidelity while six months pregnant with their second child. Despite confronting him, he employed gaslighting tactics, making her doubt reality. The marriage ultimately ended in 2010, leaving her with post-traumatic stress disorder, IBS, fatty liver disease, anxiety, and depression.
Following the divorce, the family home was repossessed due to her ex-husband's debts, forcing Caroline and her children into a smaller rental property. She relied on benefits and sporadic child maintenance payments, describing periods of extreme financial hardship where she had only 20 pence to her name.
Recovery and Weight Loss Method
Over approximately three years, Caroline gradually paid off the debts and rebuilt her career as a podiatrist, eventually retraining as a therapist. She founded the Mental Wellbeing Company and launched a popular podcast, "No Visible Bruises." Despite her professional successes, her weight remained a persistent challenge. It wasn't until a holiday in Las Vegas in 2023 that she decided to tackle her weight by addressing the root cause.
Working with a nutritionist, she delved deeper into the connection between trauma and weight. She learned that her nervous system remained in a dysregulated survival mode long after the threat had passed, causing metabolic dysfunction. To address this, she focused on two key areas: changing her diet and regulating her nervous system.
Caroline adopted a "fat adaptation" diet, involving a drastic reduction in calories for short periods to encourage her body to burn fat reserves. This diet emphasized higher protein foods, healthy fats, and reduced carbohydrates. She also learned to recognize triggers for emotional eating and found alternative ways to cope with distress.
"It wasn’t easy," she admitted. "My diet was made up of higher protein foods like eggs, chicken, fish and Greek yoghurt alongside vegetables." She noted that initially, her body even stored calories due to its ingrained survival response. However, she persevered, and her metabolism eventually stabilized. Today, she maintains a healthy diet of around 1,800 calories daily and has overcome her previous health conditions. She stated that she holds no anger towards her ex-husband, as she can now understand the trauma he inflicted and has found a way to be herself again.