For over a decade, Áine Rock experienced debilitating, migraine-like headaches that doctors could not explain. The chronic pain, a dull ache behind her eyes and through her neck, would often linger for days at a time. It wasn't until her marriage began to dissolve that Rock noticed a peculiar pattern: the headaches seemed to subside when her husband was away and return when he was present.
Rock, now 49, spent years seeking medical explanations, undergoing various treatments, and altering her diet and lifestyle without success. The unpredictable nature of the headaches, which sometimes struck upon waking, added a layer of constant anxiety to her life. She endured this while raising two young children and managing a busy household.
Her journey toward understanding the headaches intensified with somatic therapy, which prompted her to confront past trauma and explore how she had suppressed her emotions. The move from Chicago to Los Angeles in 2021, intended to be a fresh start, inadvertently stripped away the routines and separate interests that had held her marriage together. The couple's dynamic shifted, with Rock feeling they had become more like roommates than partners.
While undergoing therapy and reconnecting with parts of herself she felt she had lost, Rock questioned the sustainability of her marriage. The cracks became more apparent when she discovered her husband had been unfaithful years earlier. While she chose not to dwell on the affair itself, the revelation that she had been unaware of a significant event that could have altered her choices deeply troubled her.
Rock believes her body was responding to emotional strain that she had not yet learned to recognize or express. The physical pain, she posits, was a manifestation of the internal tension she experienced in her marriage.
Separation did not immediately end the headaches. Rock continued her healing work, and the pain occasionally returned, particularly when she questioned the viability of subsequent relationships. However, since ending a more recent relationship and focusing on processing her emotions, the debilitating pattern has largely disappeared. She still experiences occasional headaches, but with significantly less frequency and intensity.
Rock has since learned to listen to her body and found healthier ways to express emotions. She and her children now use foam bats to safely release anger and frustration, a practice far removed from her earlier tendency to contain difficult feelings. She has come to believe that her body was signaling distress long before she understood how to interpret its messages.