Former President Donald Trump has drawn attention for repeatedly making jokes at his wife Melania Trump's expense during recent campaign rallies. Marriage therapists and psychologists suggest these public jibes, which often involve Melania disapproving of his signature speech mannerisms, could indicate underlying issues in their relationship.
During speeches in Alaska and Arizona last week, Trump recounted his wife's supposed disapproval of his tendency to act out over transgender athletes and his distinctive, 'YMCA'-like dance moves. He presented these anecdotes to rally crowds, often encouraging them to prompt him to perform the actions Melania supposedly dislikes.
"Like everything else Trump does, his display at his rally is of course about him, with Melania in this case as the punching bag," said Amy Begel, a therapist at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. Begel described his actions as a "power play, a game of one-upmanship mixed with humiliation."
Greg Cason, a psychologist based in Los Angeles, agreed, characterizing Trump's material about Melania as "hostile humor" and mockery that could signal contempt. "He’s not only disregarding a piece of advice she gave to him in private, but then revealing it to an audience and asking them to laugh at it," Cason noted. He added that recruiting the audience for ridicule creates a power imbalance and suggests Trump is using her for material rather than valuing her advice.
This pattern has appeared previously. In January, Trump recounted a similar conversation with Melania about his dancing, joking about her unfamiliarity with historical presidential figures who did not dance.
During a separate event earlier this week, when Melania Trump was signing an executive order, Donald Trump remarked, "I don’t know if her signature means anything," eliciting laughs from the audience. His wife responded, "Yours is the most important," as she signed the document.
Relationship experts suggest that even if a partner laughs along in the moment, public mockery can erode trust and create disconnection. Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego, refers to this dynamic as "triangulation," where a third party is brought into a couple's conflict or dynamic. "One partner tells an embarrassing story at dinner, brings up something they know is a sensitive subject, or makes a joke at their partner’s expense," Chappell Marsh explained. "Everyone laughs, but the person on the receiving end doesn’t find it funny. They feel embarrassed and devalued."
Cason advises anyone engaging in similar behavior to stop, stating, "Even if your spouse laughs at it in the moment, stop it! A laugh in the moment doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse enjoys it; they may just be trying to avoid an awkward scene. If you are in doubt, talk with your spouse."
Chappell Marsh emphasizes that effective humor in a relationship involves both partners feeling included, differentiating between laughing with a partner and laughing at their expense. She concluded that making a partner feel disrespected is never worth the humor, and persistent behavior of this nature could indicate passive-aggressive expression of deeper resentments.
