The Unwritten Rules of High Society Weddings, From Restraint to Royal Traditions

Being 'posh' at a wedding is less about the amount spent and more about adherence to tradition, discretion, and a certain understated elegance, according to etiquette expert Julius F Smith. He suggests that many modern wedding practices, particularly those with American origins, can be seen as deviating from traditional upper-class British norms.

Smith points to royal weddings as a benchmark for understanding these customs. He highlights Princess Anne's second marriage to Tim Laurence in 1992 as a prime example of understated sophistication. The ceremony was intimate, with only 30 guests, and Anne wore a simple cream cocktail dress and black shoes. Smith emphasizes that for a second marriage, a low-key approach signals confidence and avoids making a spectacle.

Tradition is also paramount, as demonstrated by Princess Beatrice's 2020 wedding to Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi. Beatrice wore Queen Elizabeth II's Norman Hartnell dress, a gesture that Smith praises as embodying "upper-class thrift" and a romantic appreciation for inherited history over ostentatious displays.

IMAGE5 Princess Beatrice chose family history over something new and showed that true luxury can be about what you inherit not what you buy

The handling of the wedding celebration's duration and theme can also signal social standing. While Princess Eugenie's wedding to Jack Brooksbank featured a second day with a carnival and fairground theme, Smith views this as a departure from understated values, describing it as "flash and attention-grabbing" and "quite crass."

IMAGE1 After the big traditional wedding, people just want to relax so a fairground theme on day two was a little too flash

Seating arrangements offer another point of distinction. Pippa Middleton's 2017 wedding reportedly followed the aristocratic tradition of seating couples apart at dinner, a practice that encourages guests to mingle. This contrasts with the American custom of keeping couples together. Smith notes that this separation allows for broader social interaction, which is considered more in line with traditional etiquette.

IMAGE7 Prince William and Harry turned up to the wedding of Pippa Middleton together as Catherine was in the brial party and Meghan Markle was joining Harry later for the reception

IMAGE9 Unfortunately for Meghan, she was unaccustomed to the posh wedding etiquette of couples not sitting together and was a little out of her comfort zone

When it comes to celebrity guests, Smith cautions against confusing celebrity with true status. He suggests that the 2018 wedding of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, while visually stunning, may have faltered because many celebrity attendees lacked a clear connection to the event, appearing almost "desperate."

IMAGE10 Meghan markle wore a very grand Givenchy white gown for her second wedding which caught some people by surprise

IMAGE4 Many of the A-listers, including George and Amal Clooney, in attendance didn't know why they were there

Finally, Smith strongly advises against monetizing a wedding. He cites Prince William's reported displeasure over his cousin Peter Phillips' deal with Hello! magazine for his 2008 wedding to Autumn Kelly. Smith believes that inviting commercial media scrutiny compromises the discretion expected of royal events and is "in terrible taste."

IMAGE3 Prince William was said to be less than impressed when his cousin Peter Phillips made a deal with Hello! magazine for his wedding to Autumn Kelly

IMAGE2 ‘If you invite Hello! in, nobody is going to relax because their every move will be scrutinised

Ultimately, Smith posits that Princess Anne's second wedding best exemplifies the essence of a "posh" event: intimate, unfussy, and devoid of attention-seeking displays. It is this very restraint, he argues, that defines true upper-class style.