The Double-Edged Sword of British Politeness: A Warning for Women

A national campaign is urging British people to "master the art of impoliteness" to combat fraudsters, highlighting a cultural tendency towards excessive courtesy that can be detrimental. The "Take Five To Stop Fraud" initiative, fronted by television personality Craig Revel Horwood, encourages individuals to prioritize their protection over politeness when dealing with unsolicited calls.

A survey revealed that 53 percent of Britons prolong phone calls out of fear of appearing rude, compared to 43 percent of Americans. This ingrained politeness, while often seen as a virtue, can leave individuals vulnerable to scams.

Beyond financial fraud, the article argues that this emphasis on niceness disproportionately affects women, potentially leading them into dangerous situations. The author, Clare Foges, recounts a personal experience from over 15 years ago where her politeness led to a terrifying encounter with a man she met while traveling.

After meeting a Canadian man briefly at a hostel, Foges exchanged numbers. Months later, he contacted her while he was in London. Despite her initial reluctance and desire to go home after work, Foges agreed to meet him for a drink, citing a fear of being rude if she declined. The single drink extended to three, and her unease grew, but she continued to acquiesce to social expectations.

When the man insisted on walking her home, Foges protested weakly, but his persistence, coupled with her desire not to seem impolite, led her to accept. At her door, he asked to come in for toast, and again, Foges, uncomfortable with the potential awkwardness of refusal, invited him inside. The situation escalated when he asked to stay the night. Foges, feeling unable to refuse without appearing rude, agreed. She retreated to her bedroom, only for him to follow and attempt an assault. Foges managed to escape her flat and seek refuge in a nearby hotel.

This incident, Foges reflects, demonstrated how danger can arise not from unexpected threats but from a gradual escalation facilitated by politeness and a reluctance to offend. She draws parallels to the methods employed by notorious criminals like Ted Bundy and John Worboys, who preyed on women's courtesy by presenting themselves as vulnerable or offering celebratory drinks.

Carrie Johnson's account of her experience with the black cab rapist John Worboys is cited as a prime example. Johnson, offered champagne and later vodka, accepted a glass of champagne out of politeness, even pouring it onto the floor later in the journey. She concealed her reluctance to drink further, fearing she might disappoint or appear rude.

The article asserts that this instinct to avoid causing offense is exploited by many, particularly in situations involving acquaintances, friends, family, or partners, who account for the vast majority of sexual assaults against women. The discomfort of asserting boundaries with known individuals is often amplified.

The campaign's message—to "put protection before politeness"—is advocated for broader application. Foges emphasizes the importance of instructing daughters to trust their instincts, referred to by young people as the 'ick,' and to feel empowered to decline requests, set boundaries, and say no without apology. The piece concludes that while good manners are valued, they can, in certain circumstances, pose a risk to women's safety.